Finding Love in Your 30s

I want to work on love okay who here loves love yeah all right we can carry on I really want to be in a relationship and have a family and I'm going to be 39 and I'm like okay like okay I am a child of divorce just evidence for your story yeah um and I I did like meet someone I was 20 that was very much like a soulmate madly in love okay literally worshiped the ground this man walked on yes we got married I was so happy and then and I found out he was like living a double life it was a very wild scenario okay and then two weeks later my brother was murdered missing and murdered as you can imagine totally decimated me yeah it's been 11 years I've done a ton of healing around it since both happened like okay I want it all back I want to like meet someone and build a life and do the thing but yeah so the first of all you want to realize folks that when you say things that are a lie anything that comes after that is not going to exist it it can't right so you can't go back to what you had now I get what's implied with it but energetically because you're trying to fulfill on something that's impossible you keep sustaining which is the part you get to be right about not having a relationship so what is it that you think you want by going back there I guess a feeling it's a feeling isn't it yeah really at the end of the day you're after a feeling you're not even after the dude that you worshiped right yeah exactly double life all that he didn't he really didn't sound that great no sounds like you were more more than anything you were naive yes I certainly remember when I fell in love at 20 I was really not that smart I don't want to go back to that right yeah okay but can you see in the way that you Juliana tells the story if I want to go back there can you see that's something literally impossible to fulfill on yes yeah it's hard to let go I mean I'm just like I that yeah but but I mean this is kind of beautiful right you can see how subtle but powerful the resistances yeah totally when you're looking backwards can you see just energetically like the an analogy I like to use because it's very Visual and it makes sense is it's like you're driving your car but the way that you're trying to get somewhere is you're looking in the rearview mirror yeah and you wonder why you keep running into right so you're through no fold of your own you're looking backwards you have all of this romant side's idea of this like you know this this incredible man who really wasn't that incredible but nonetheless gave you an experience that you've become attached to and you've Associated it in time and space and it's 20 years ago and now you're trying to fulfill on that here which has got nothing to do with 20 years ago yeah right that's how it occurs right I'm 39 they baby da da da da the're ticking I'm from a divorce family da da da right all of the evidence as to why it's not working like you you're basically right or or not as the case may that's terrible sorry so what you're looking for is presence the only place any of you have any power is where you are and most of you aren't where you are and then you wonder why you're not powerful literally the only place we have to get to is where we are but because our mind is so preoccupied with psychological time with the hurt as I said from a history that we haven't yet accepted and the fear for a future that we anticipate is going to happen which is all completely made up why the hell would we be relaxed and present I'm too busy trying to survive human beings are literally wired just to make it just to try and survive in your case it's not pain but it is heartache it's love it's the fear of not having a family these are pretty hefty things for a woman particularly and with the significance of your age which adds more pressure which creates more urgency when you're urgent are you more present or less present less do you see so you get to fulfill on it all the time so if you fell in love with a guy who just made the guy from 20 years ago look like a complete loser in you know two months from now in a way that you didn't even comprehend what love was MH that this man embodied a space that really was authentic safety reverence for the feminine committed to being a father who had the utmost respect for you he adored you he inspired you and that's the future that you're stepping into how would you feel right now like awe maybe yeah it's kind of like a bit like you're blushing a bit right it's kind of a little unbelievable yeah and almost I'm going to assert maybe something you don't quite even deserve yeah I think there's like an element of like who me like are you still talking to me yeah yeah yeah yeah but that tells us a lot about the way you view yourself doesn't it yeah clearly I'm like oh that hurts to say but yes yes well I'm not here into Panda but I'm here to help you see what's in the way which is the hurt right as I said hurt and scared commensurate so the way that Juliana views herself I'm going to assert isn't that great welcome to humanity right but I'm in the business of helping you see how extraordinary you are you just have a shitty view of yourself as a you know way to help everybody get something from this what's the lie about the love you're looking for where's love for you I guess it seemed to be outside of me yeah I I mean most people here would probably think love is outside of them mhm so then if love is outside of you what are some of the things Juliana does like wait Wait for Love yeah sometimes you wait for it but then sometimes what do you do Chase it Chase it yeah but it all occurs that you're looking for something outside of you yeah and you got the evidence oh head over Hills this guy that you ground worshiped the ground He Walked on and I'm going to assert that in ways that you're not necessarily consciously aware you're still energetically tied to him yeah I mean I would agree because I still think about him so I feel like that's a time yes but you're not thinking about him your thoughts are confirming the illusion of what you think he represents do you get that that's good news because what it actually is doing is is showing that you're manufacturing the experience you're using him as the excuse somebody just get something from that so what's the good news about that I'm doing it you're doing it yeah but as long as you think it's because of some some person you're thinking about you don't take ownership but if you are under the impression that the reason you feel what you feel which is this energy what you call love that you're chasing is because of someone who's not even in your life it's literally a figment of your own imagination then you have to not understand that you are the author of your own experience which is the precursor also manif manfacturing manifesting the buzzword the life to represent that so again if I cut to the fact that I said this you know I painted this sort of Prince Charming perfect you know he reveres you he respects you he inspires you he's beautiful he takes care of himself he has all the attributes that you would attribute to the ideal man for you and he's he's literally he's in a timeline called your future heading toward you two months from now that's great well I don't know if it is like that's what I'm like really inquiring with you like is it really great are you nervous you said you'd be in awe you know you might be like I got some work to do I got to clean out my closet like if he sees my garage it's going to be really embarrassing like right they might be some in your life that you'd want to tidy up yeah Fair sure but because love is something that you wait for why would you do that now do you see see we're all waiting for an excuse to get on with our life instead of getting on with our life and allowing life to present what is appropriate for the new frequency that we embody by virtue of being responsible and authors over the life we're creating and it's human we we're all idiots you know but not realizing how powerful we are as I said at the beginning you're creating whether you realize it or not it's just what most people are creating is an avoidant energy it's an a reaction to a future that you are desperately trying to avoid and I promise you you doing everything you can to inspire and attract love which confirms the fact that it's not there you're not it's not on the way and you don't have it and and you're a beautiful SM woman like it's not I'm not saying this to make you feel inadequate but just to notice the insanity of how the brain works or doesn't work but what I want you to realize is that you again using the image of looking through the rearview mirror to try and find a fulfilling or inspiring future which I get is what you're really dedicated to doesn't work yeah and to come back to what is the lie and when did I say what did I ask about where is the love where are you looking for it outside of me outside of you yeah so why is that a lie because yeah everything I'm experiencing is inside of me correct so who were you with that man who was I who were you that's what you want you don't want him you want the you that you were with him right just yeah that I was just so open what else I I mean I didn't really know you know the I didn't really know pain yet you know yeah that's the naivity and the Innocence but there was a joy there was a freedom there was an inspiration there was a whatever you call it the openness right yeah you had a sense of a possibility for the future of what was going to happen the family the marriage the trips the right all of that but you generated that yeah you just Associated it with him and the LIE is cuz he's not in your life that you've lost that yeah but that's a lie yeah you know one of the greatest things I learned from a relationship coach many years ago was um she said you know we don't fall in love with the other person we fall in love with the version of us that we get to be through and with the other person Isn't that cool like because we love becomes so personified right it's over there with them so then that's when the control and the manipulation and the devastation happens if they leave it's like well the love is over there no no no no no no they're the catalist to reveal the love that is your nature so the one thing that confus uses me is it was all in me yeah but you don't replicate that level of like deep love with I do really well you said you you're talking to me okay so it's one way to stay safe isn't it you you're able to replicate like very very deep love with yes lit anyone why would I do this why would I do this right now damn okay well I want to go where you're going so well you're here so let's do it right now isn't that what you're looking for clearly I didn't you just expanded me I didn't know that was possible honestly that's love isn't it that's why we're here mhm mhm that's all inspiring isn't it yeah that's like really the most beautiful thing I've ever heard honestly well thank you we might have just cracked you open to your real nature yeah yeah just sit with that that's you don't collapse it with me nothing to chase there is there no welcome to you y now what becomes possible for Juliana if you live from that place God it's just yeah life is like basically 1 million times more beautiful just loving with an open heart every single person yeah every moment I mean it's yeah very different it's really touching you huh don't hold it back that's where a man will meet you that's where the right man will meet you yeah and it's like it won't matter like it's a blessing but it's I'm getting it everywhere [Laughter] so you're getting it everywhere because you're the source of it so we now get to bathe in the essence of what you just discovered for yourself for which we're the lucky recipients and any man would be blessed to be in that space with you and dare I say you might crack him open to find it in himself because otherwise he's going to be telling a story 20 years from now where he met this amazing woman and he's trying to get back there cool huh yeah a a whole new life really well that's the intention it's a whole new life because literally you just discovered what was on the other side of the lie as I said you can't build anything on top of a lie but in the absence of the lie you reveal the truth which is the essence of who you are which is love itself yeah you were trying to be loved and now you just discover that you get to be love Yeah entirely different existence that makes this a much better planet to be on that's my commitment cool right yeah thank you thank you