Now This Is How You Heal — Peter Crone on Childhood Wounds

I fall under the the belief that I'm not good enough. People are better than me. Okay. That I'm a bad person. So, where did you learn that? From gymnastics. Oh my gosh. No pressure there, right? Yeah. And then I was actually abused by my first coach physically and uh mentally. She actually called me thugly at age seven. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. No, it's okay. It's kind of funny to look back. Like there's no part of me that thinks that that's true. It's like, oh yeah, I was 7 years old. She had no right to say that. Like I was just enjoying life. I really acknowledge your intelligence to understand that, but I'm not going to let that seven-year-old not be seen for a minute. You can understand it's kind of funny now, but it wasn't then. And what we do is we tend to circumn something that's really quite pivotal in our lives and we're okay with it, which is a way that you deflect. Yeah. Right. But really, there's a child there that's being ignored. Yeah definitely. So then where do you get ignored in life? Um, well, I'm a stunt woman now. Okay, great. Yeah. More ways to beat the out of yourself, right? Yes. Often times I get turned down for jobs because I don't have the right body type or they just go with someone else. So then I feel, I guess, ignored. And I also ignore myself a lot. So what are you doing to the seven-year-old who was called ugly? Ignoring her. Could we imagine that the seven-year-old who's told that she was ugly maybe feel hurt? Definitely she does. Yeah. There's two primary emotions that really belong to the ego. Past is associated with hurt. Future is associated with fear. Past hurt informs future fear. So we've got holding and avoiding. So you're holding on to her and then wondering why you keep hurting because you're trying to avoid the repetition of that, not realizing that it's with you right now. Where were you when this happened? When this beautiful gym instructor told you that you were ugly. It was at the gymnastics gym. I was training there quite a lot. It was also my way of making my parents happy because up until then I was a bad kid. And when I got really good at gymnastics, my parents suddenly started like paying attention to me a little bit more. Amazing. Yeah. So, I didn't tell my parents about the fact that she said that. And then I didn't tell them about Wow, I'm really realizing a lot right now. Um, that's what happened about ignoring myself. Yeah, it's okay. This is why we're here. There's no hurry. What just hit you? I didn't want them to like pull me out of it. So, I let it go for years. And uh she would hit me and she would pull me by my leg and drag me on the ground and all that. And uh yeah, I just wouldn't tell my parents because I just didn't want them to take me out of it. You didn't want them to take you out of it? Why? Well, because I loved it one, but I also loved making them happy. Yeah. Let's stick with that last one. Yeah. It's the original wound. children, myself included, we decide at a certain point, unbeknownst to ourselves, purely as a survival strategy, that I will become who I think you want me to be, usually mom and dad, but all as long as you keep me safe. So, somebody who was willing to put all of their own feelings, hurts aside and pretend that they're okay. What must they fundamentally think about themselves? That they're not worth listening to or they're not something like that, right? Something like that. Can I offer a perspective? Yes please. That you don't matter. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. What's it like to walk around on a planet where you don't matter? Pretty. So, where were you born? Tacoma Washington. So, if I cut you open, am I going to find a physical manufacturing label inside of you that says she's born in Washington? Her needs don't matter. No. No. So, where does it exist? In my mind. Okay. And what's it made up of? Words. Yeah. So if it's just words in your head, is it a truth that who you are is that her needs don't matter? No, not at all. Right. Yeah. What would be the opposite of my needs don't matter? That they do matter. Not they what I matter and my needs matter. Once we uncovered that belief that I don't matter and my needs don't matter, I was able to actually just start listening to myself for the first time. And at the time I had a thyroid issue as well. After we had that healing, all of a sudden, I was feeling a lot lighter. Literally physically lost weight and the thyroid disorder went away completely, which was mind-blowing to me. So, wait, wait, wait. Do you hear what she said? So, her thyroid condition went away. I really want you to understand the energy of healing, right? Like, it's such a buzz word and people like, "Oh, you're such a healer." No, I'm not. I'm saying For her, like most people probably resign to the fact, well, that's just what I have and I keep taking my meds or I keep doing what I have to do and you just manage it. But I want you to understand you that you are today who's created whatever the condition is through no fault of your own. So it's not guilt or shame can't heal. You can't heal. What you're looking for is healing is on the other side of the you that created the disease in the first place. So until such time that you get to these deeper subconscious recesses where you got a narrative that often you're oblivious to. You can't access healing. But that's the work. End of story. Sydney. Thank you. If you want to be healed, you got to get to the root cause of your disease. People are looking to solutions without looking at why do I have the problem in the first place? [Music]