The Real Difference Between Midlife Crisis and Midlife Awakening

I don't want to be the version of me that you want. I don't want to be that person anymore. I lived that way for so long. I refused to dishonor myself. The things that were holding me back was what I was holding on to. >> Like what? >> Well, you know, just the trauma that I had gone through. >> Sher Dindle, who's known to her 6 million followers as the real slim Sherry, is a storyteller and joyful voice of Gen X and Midlife Reinvention. She spent decades hiding her true self. And now she's dropping the mask and speaking her truth. >> I just again knew that there was something greater that I felt called to. I just couldn't figure out what it was. And I And the reason I couldn't really figure it out is because >> was there a moment that just kind of like woke you up and said no more or was it kind of like a gradual unfolding? >> I got a lot of hate early on. Then there was this moment in time and that was >> It looks like you're genuinely having fun. Oh, I I I do. I do. I had a pretty pretty common Gen X upbringing. I think I didn't realize that until I started creating content. Uh I started really making content and talking about the past and the history of my history. And what came from that was this sort of, you know, discovery of a collective of people that were like, "Hey, you're telling my story." That was that was my story, too. And I never realized it, you know, you got you I think you kind of go through life um you having your own experiences and whether that those be good, bad, you know, yeah, I had children and got I've had, you know, I've been married and you know, you do all of what life tells you you're supposed to do, you know, so you you go through whatever you go through and then um you know, you land in this place where you're like, "Okay, this is who I am." And I when I turned 50, I you know, I started just peeling back all of uh who I thought I was. And in discovering this collective of people, I think I also discovered I wasn't alone. And I think I always thought my experience, my past was unique. You know, it was like this is this is my story. And then you start discovering a bunch of people, millions of people actually, that are like that was my story too. And so it was it was comforting in a way. It was somewhat healing. It helped me to progress in my healing uh from my you know just again my past and uh finding this space where I felt at home. I felt uh a camaraderie a um a similarity if you will and it it's been um it's been wild because you know I had a I had a traumatic childhood and um left home when I was 16. uh had my first child at 17, started a career, ran that career for 26 years, ran hard. That was basically my entire identity for most of my life, just being a mom and being an investigator, and those were the only things I thought I was good at. But I always had this sort of gnawing feeling that I was supposed to be doing something else. I had some greater purpose that I just couldn't put my finger on. I couldn't I couldn't really get past all of you know the baggage that I was carrying, I guess. And um you know, I finally quit my job. It'll be 10 years this year. I quit my job 10 years ago. I was burned out. I was tired. I felt like I needed to be doing something different. And uh I didn't know what that different thing was going to be. I had zero clue what I was going to do. And I quit my job, started a business, and 10 years later, here I am. that three and a half years ago, I even though I had quit my job and I'd started a I have a couple of businesses actually. I started a couple of businesses, I still didn't feel like I was walking in my purpose. I didn't feel like I had um really was I just again knew that there was something greater that I felt called to. I just couldn't figure out what it was. And I and the reason I couldn't really figure it out is because all of the all of the baggage was in the way. And so I started sort of this process of not just healing but sort of unbecoming all of the things that I believed I was supposed to be and that I believed that I was and um sort of peeling back those layers and trying to rediscover the person that I always was. I just had become something I think other people had conditioned me to be. And so I talk a lot about that. that I sort of started chipping away, not on purpose. When I first started making videos and content, I was just making them for me. I was, you know, they were therapeutic for me in a way to just sort of start talking about these, you know, stories and and uh memories that I had and and trying to reconnect with a time when life did feel good. And uh I started chipping away a little at a time at some of those tougher, you know, I guess maybe even taboo topics or topics that people maybe suppressed and buried. And I know that I did. And um and so yeah, I started telling some of the some what I consider to be just truths. You know, I think there's a lot of what you see online. And you see a lot of people creating, you know, videos that are make that'll make you laugh or they're doing dance trends or they're, you know, they're talking about this thing or that thing and there's not a lot of real and you know, you get a very cur you have the you have the the I guess the luxury when you create content to edit, right? Just like a movie that you make a movie, you can have the the luxury of the edit and you get this well curated um feed, you know, pictures are perfect or the video is is well edited and and and a lot of there's you just wonder sometimes how much of that's real. And I just wanted I when I started making content, I was just doing that. I was just being myself. I was just finally for once being like this is me and not the corporate version of me, not the version that everybody had raised me to be. Um, you know, I wanted to be raw and and real and true to myself. And so that's what started to pour out of of me and through these videos. Like I said, they that were therapeutic for me in the beginning to just sort of really step into my authenticity and say, you know what, I'm I'm tired of tempering myself and quieting myself or shrinking myself to make other people comfortable. And so, uh, that's where that's what I did. And what happened was millions of people apparently enjoyed that. And uh I'm not for everybody, you know. I get that. I get that I'm not I joke I'm not everybody's cup of tea, but it's good thing I drink coffee because I don't really care. And um and it feels good to just, you know, finally just honor myself and who I am. And uh in doing that, I think I honor a lot of other people. a lot of other people that wish they could have um that kind of a voice or feel brave enough to speak their truth. And uh what's come of it is just this amazing ride of of nostalgia and truth and again authenticity and um this um sense of freedom really you know of just uh enjoying enjoying the ride and be you know the freedom of being who I am and then also discovering um friendships and again you know this collective of people that are like hey you know we were the generation that everybody we were the forgot they almost the forgotten generation right? >> Invisible generation. Yeah. >> Invisible. Invisible generation, you know, forgotten. We get we still get skipped. You know, there's still TV shows that or or news uh uh shows that'll put up the generations. You'll see Boomer than Millennial. They'll just skip right over us even now. And we're in our 50s and and the oldest Gen Xers are turning 60 this year, you know, which is crazy to think about. And so to think that all this time we've still we're still being sort of glossed over or forgotten. And I love being able to breathe life into our stories and to give, you know, not that we want attention because Gen Xers are not one to want attention, just to um I I think to to allow us to have space to allow us to feel like we can take we're allowed to take up space. We were raised on, you know, tough love and uh you know, we're to be seen and not heard and you know, brush it off, suck it up, rub some dirt on it. like we weren't, you know, we weren't allowed to complain or whine or um, you know, we often were again just kind of invisible and we were taught to be that way. And I think we've gone through our lives for the most part living in that space and being okay with this is all the space that I'm allowed to take up and we we've accepted that. And now a lot of us are coming into this middle age of life, the ones that have survived that made it this far. I joke that our generation is the smallest because a lot of us didn't survive. uh you know and and so the ones that are arriving at this point in life in their 50s and now turning 60 are like you know what I don't I don't like I don't necessarily like that I have to live in this box that you've put me in. I want to take up more space and I hope that I give people the courage to do that. I mean there's so much that I'd love to dive into there. The you know and I'm nodding along also because for so many people our age um this has been an experience but it's also because part of the experience is that we don't talk about these things and we don't talk about them in a public way and in a public forum you know it's because we were we were the latch key kids. We were the kids who were, you know, like whatever the opposite of helicopter parenting is, like that's what we experience kids, you know, it's like >> you get on your bike in the morning at some point, you know, like you you like you wander home hopefully like not too bruised and and banged up and um you know, but it was really just the generation that was largely in the early days kind of left alone and then as you described like as we sort of like rose through life became largely invisible, you know, as somebody we both started a number of companies and um you know nobody markets to Gen X nobody sort of like runs like demographic groups or you know for Gen X there are very few products and services that are in you know really focused on that sort of 45 to 60 age group. It remains to this day largely invisible sort of like in in the world of commerce and in service and in solution providing and and and a big part of that experience when you're younger um is the expectation that you're not really here to take up space. And I'm curious for you like how did that how did that actually show up on a day-to-day basis in your life? >> Oh gosh. I mean it it it showed up in I think almost every way. Um, you know, again going back to that idea of not just of being invisible, but being taught to keep yourself like small and quiet and you know, we again that that standard phrase I I thought it was just a phrase that I heard that we were to be children are to be seen and not heard and then I've you know discovering millions of people who who follow me are like you know that is so commonly shows up in my comments of yeah you know when I touch on a a topic um that you know to what you said we don't talk about, you know, the things that um we just, you know, we've gone through life. We've sucked it up. We accepted it. That's what we were taught. And uh I think a lot for me, it showed up in a lot of ways of just sort of masking. You know, I think that it taught me to mask. It taught me to stay quiet, to keep secrets, to um not draw attention to myself. It it definitely taught me to be apathetic. And I think apathy is sort of our hallmark of our generation. Um, you know, it taught me to be apathetic. It taught me to be sarcastic. And and um, a lot of those what I've come to realize later in life is that those were those were survival techniques. Those were ways that helped me get through life and and face, you know, sort of all the not just challenges in life, but sort of the ugliness of the world. You know, it helps to it it helps it helps your invisibility cloak to be even stronger, I guess. You know, I think about how we as kids uh and then, you know, the way a lot of us were raised and the messaging that we heard from not just our parents, but from society in general, you know, it wasn't just the people that were directly influencing our lives, but it was even um you know, the just the general population. It's it's religion. It's your teachers. It's other um role models in your life uh that have you know in in ways passed on conditioning that you know as I talk about it kind of wires you a certain way and it wired me that way and it showed up in my life every single day. Um and it's still I'm still unpacking a lot of that. I'm still having to peel back layer by layer, you know, sort of trying to get to the root of who maybe I really am and just never really knew. I never really knew that version of myself because it became um buried under all that um conditioning and again that the kind of hard wiring. It's almost like going in and ripping out those wires and and allowing myself to believe that I deserve to feel happiness and joy and peace and I deserve to feel a sense of freedom that I'm no longer bound by those that set of rules that were given to me and that were given to a lot of us. I mean, I think about that for the time, you know, most of us came up with boomer parents, some had silent generational parents, but a lot of us, you know, thinking about latch key kids and when, you know, a lot of moms were going to work, you had dual uh dual income households that were really starting to evolve in the late 70s, early 80s, a lot of kids spent time with their silent gen grandparents. you know, they would go to be. And so you had that sort of uh conditioning and sort of a little bit of a even tougher love, if you will, in some ways. Uh which is a lot of why the boomers are the way they are. Uh but they, you know, a lot of that was handed down from generation to generation. And and the way that it shows up, I think, for a lot of us, the if we're truthful with ourselves, which I've had to really come into being, not just telling truth, but being truthful with myself, is that that still shows up today in a lot of ways. you know, it still makes us question ourselves. We might it might make us hesitate more. It might make us um you know, again, that masking that I think a lot of us, especially Gen Xers, are so good at is, you know, putting on that tough face or that mask so that we show up the way we think other people expect us to or what makes other people comfortable. That's not your destiny. You know, that you're not you don't have to carry that around your entire life. you know th those that foundation that was built for you, you can tear it down and start with a new foundation that you're never too old, you're never too um far far gone, if you will. It's never too late to sort of reinvent yourself. And that's what's happened for me. Um it's just and I never never planned it that way. I didn't expect to be here where I am. uh going from a person who was an investigator most pretty much my entire adult life, you know, towed this sort of really hard line working closely with law enforcement and just this, you know, I was married to a cop. Uh and we both just very pretty rigid people. You could be very rigid and you show up, you know, sort of in a more um can be a little bit more aggressive and assertive when you need to be, but also only when only when you need to be. And uh I think coming up you know in that world um made me even more uh condition I was well conditioned for it but I even conditioned myself even more to sort of conform and show up in the world a in a very particular way and that just gets t you eventually you get tired of that that that mask or that armor you wear gets heavy and so as I moved into my 50s I just was like I don't I don't want to carry this around anymore. I'm tired. It was, you know, it just was weighing me down and I wanted more and I try to share that with others in hopes that they'll find that discovery. >> So for you, was there is this a gradual evolution or or was there was this a slow build towards a moment or happening, an incident that just kind of shook you and said, I can't live as this person anymore like this is not me. like the I'm there's a part of me or maybe parts of me that I know are in there like in you like in my private time in my own mind or maybe with my closest friends I get to share that part of me but like I'm I'm not actually living as that person um I'm not showing up as that person and that's a heaviness that so many people carry you know whether you're Gen X or not that's a heaviness that I think especially the deeper we get into life and we feel the responsibilities of life or maybe being a parent and you know we kind of bury a lot of our identity in the name of towing the line of being quote a responsible adult and fitting into like whatever communities we're around and like you described the heaviness of that it just builds and builds and builds. So I'm wondering in your experience was there a moment that just kind of like woke you up and said no more or was it kind of like a gradual unfolding? >> It's actually a little bit of both. So I think, you know, for me it was always sort of this there's always sort of been this >> something, you know, this this gradual build like you said. I just but I never could figure it out. It was almost like there was this doorway that was locked. I knew it was there, but I couldn't figure out how to find the key or how to open the door. So there's always sort of this longing for something on the other side, but I couldn't I I didn't know. I couldn't find my way. And then there was this moment in time and that was 2021 for me. I got sick with COVID. Um I was pretty sick. I uh um I came out on the other side of that thinking that yeah, I just was looking at the world through a different lens. You know, I at that time everybody was feeling the weight of the world, you know, this pandemic and people were dying and um families were being torn apart where they were losing, you know, multiple people and their families to this pandemic and and I just came out on the other side of that being very grateful that I had made it onto the other side that I that I was here and it was sort of a second chance for me. Uh it kind of felt like a second chance but it wasn't like my first second chance. You know, I had had a moment in time in my 30s, early 30s, where I had um a horrific car accident. I was run under a semi. Uh and I walked away from that unscathed. Car was totaled. You'd have thought whoever was in that accident died. And I somehow walked away from that with a cut on my knuckle. And I should I should have in I was too I think too young to appreciate sort of that moment. Um I knew I was lucky, but I I didn't really stop and appreciate all that had been given to me that I had had the second chance. And so I just sort of got back. I called somebody at work. I was in a company car. Come get me off this freeway. Uh got into another car and went right back to life. I didn't pause to really appreciate that second chance, you know. Didn't It could have been a moment. I I don't regret it, but I look back and go, man, if I had just figured it out in that moment, I could have got back another 18 years of my life, you know, that I wouldn't have wasted um you know, in that in that place that I I didn't have happiness and joy and and and the freedom that I have now. And so, when it happened again and I felt like I'd had a second chance in 2021, I didn't want to waste it. and I sort of started doing the really deep, you know, work, the hard work that I had always wanted to do. I just didn't know how to do it. I couldn't figure out how to get past certain things. And so I I started really doing that deep meaningful work, if you will. And let and just realizing I think that the things that were holding me back was what I was holding on to, you know, that I couldn't find a way. Yeah. Well, you know, just the trauma that I had gone through and and things that were still haunting me as as an adult, you know, that I just that had somehow it kept showing up in my life, you know, these flashbacks and things that I think if I'm honest with myself, I couldn't let go of because in some way they were the only connection I had to any um per the person who I I was, right? Like this this person that I lost dur through all of that. And so it was learning to let those go. It was learning to that, you know, learning to let go, learning to forgive, understanding and and and teaching myself that forgiveness uh is not a weakness. It's a gift you give yourself. Um it frees you. And it was coming to terms with those types of things and and understanding that in the letting go process, I could I could start to find pieces of myself that I actually wanted to reconnect with. And um that that journey of healing, you know, I used to think that healing was something you just did and then you were done. It's not. It's it's a healing is is there's no finish line, you know. There's um it's it's it's not something that you just are you you're done with one day and then life is just great. No, it's it's more linear than that. It's it's it it goes on forever. It's it's a process that you do day in and day out. And um you know the the the healing itself gets easier but you are always sort of in this process of evolution and rediscovery and learning about yourself and it's the willingness to connect with that. It's the willingness to say this is who I am and these things happened to me but they don't define me anymore you know and letting go of that. And I think a lot of people really struggle to get to that point of where they're okay with just letting go and forgiving and finding a place where they can be at peace. And that's what I had longed for my whole life was just a sense of peace. And uh and I finally have found that. And it, like I said, it's still a process. I' I've come to terms with the idea that I'll always be in that some phase of that, but that it just, you know, it gets it gets easier with time. Um and and letting go being willing to let go of those that armor that had been sort of you know woven into me uh and in through the conditioning and the trauma and and all the beliefs you know the belief system that you know if you think about it and a lot of people don't the belief system that most of us carry was given to us. It's not one that we Yeah, sure. It's It's molded through your experiences and and um you know things that you do in life, but your early belief system is sort of given to you by someone else through the lessons they teach you and the expectations. And so it was like coming to terms with the idea that I could still take parts of that belief system that some of those things still are true to me, but I was allowed to start writing my own was allowed to start rewriting my own story and my own belief system. And um in in doing that, it's been it's been amazing to come, you know, come out of that and go, "Oh, this is this is what happiness feels like. This is this is what peace can feel like." And um again, I hope for me in the stories that I share and and some of the things I talk about is that I don't only affect my generation, I do talk a lot about my generation, um but that I maybe will touch or reach younger people. um or even older people sooner, you know, for the young people that they get there. I wish I could have done it in when I was 32 when that accident happened. Like if I had 18 years, you know, or actually at this point it's 20 years ago. Um you know, if I had that 20 years, like what maybe where where would I be now if I had already had, you know, discovered peace and happiness and what joy felt like? cuz I used to believe that happiness was for other people, you know, and that joy was just like a joke, like it wasn't real, you know. I didn't believe that it was something that existed. But it does and you can find it. It's just often buried, like I said, underneath all this other stuff, you know, the baggage that we carry around that eventually gets very heavy. >> Yeah. And then you you use the word forgiveness, which is I think it's an interesting word because a lot of times when we when we hear that word, what we're thinking about is well, who am I forgiving? It's another person, somebody who's done me wrong in my past. And and yes, may that may be a part of your story, right? But so often like the forgiveness that actually really unlocks so much of what we yearn to experience and feel is self forgiveness. It's the parts of us that we feel have done other people harm or done ourselves harm that we can't understand often. Um, and we just hold on to this blame and shame and and it's not directed at someone else. It's literally directed to a part of us >> that we've sort of like kept down inside and we're just we are carrying that heaviness, you know. So the forgiveness I think a lot of times when people hear that word it's like well who am I forgiving? Who's the person you know out there? But so often it's the it's it's it's a part of us that actually gives us the greatest relief and also in my experience is often the hardest one to forgive. >> Oh, sure. No, I mean I I I I would agree with that because guilt guilt and shame are two really big ones and they're they're more internal. They're they're they're emotions that you feel for yourself, right? if you and so carrying around shame and guilt. I recently learned that shame is is one of the strongest if not the strongest emotion to overcome. Um and it kind of kind of encapsulates many other emotions that kind of feed into shame. And so learning to shed that or learning to forgive yourself even if you're you know for me the shame and the guilt that I carried around wasn't even it wasn't something that I did but I still felt some some form of guilt and shame around that as if I somehow had played a part or it was somehow my fault and um that I know now is one of the biggest things holding me back in my healing journey. I had thought, you know, back in my 40s, early 40s, I I called myself healing. You know, I was working on myself and uh but I realized that I I had I wasn't I had no idea what I was doing and and and wasn't being really honest with myself about what I needed to work on and what was really getting in the way of me finding joy and freedom or this this feeling, you know, because freedom means a lot of different things for people, right? like freedom. Freedom can mean you know what what you feel is a sense of free like we live in the United States and there's that sense of freedom but then there's also this sense of freedom of just being able to do what you want whenever you want or the freedom of being who you are and and and showing up for yourself um for yourself first. And this is especially true for moms. We tend to not show up for ourselves. we show up for our families and our children often uh first we will sacrifice ourselves um it's like the biggest sacrifice that moms make is for their kids right and so there's all these things that you can call freedom but you know for me freedom was just that it was this ability to step into a place of peace and free from all of that um all the things that sort of I held for so long that that just continued to pull me back into a path past place that I didn't want to be and I couldn't control that. And so that for me was freedom was like, "Oh, I can I'm free of that. It has a place now. I I have the power to control it. It doesn't control me any longer." And so, you know, that that guilt and shame that you're talking about really gets in is are two really large big emotions that are hard to overcome actually and they are rooted in forgiveness. >> Yeah. So when you make the decision then in 2021 say you know this has been a slow build you have this you you get really ill with co and you recover and then you look around and realize so many others have experienced the same thing and are not here anymore or are like have long-term struggles. This becomes a wakeup call to you. becomes the second you like big moment where you're like, "Okay, I'm still here." Um, and I can't I can't do the next season of life the way that I've done what's come before. So, you make an interesting decision. I'm sure there are a lot of other things that you started changing and thinking about and and people you were talking to, but one of those decisions as you described is I'm going to start just filming video and putting them online, right? So you're I guess around 49 at that point. So you're >> I was 40. I was actually 48. >> Okay. So you like you're well into life, right? You're people know you in a certain way. You know, you've got a certain reputation among the community and and and then you're like I am going to start creating videos. Now for anyone who's seen your videos, like we're having you like a a a grounded calm, you know, like conversation here. this this is not the way that you show up, you know, on in your videos online. You're funny, you're snarky, you're wise, you're um throwing in tons of nostalgia points so that so many people can relate to so much of what you share when you decide and and it feels like really apparent that this is not sort of like a madeup character that you step into. This is just a part of you that wasn't >> it was being tucked away until that moment. So when you decide, okay, so you know, I'm half a century into life almost and I can't keep doing it the way that I'm doing. I need to actually show up as myself and I'm going to start to just put up videos. Did you have any expect like was this really just you? I just need to do this for myself and maybe five people will watch this or or were you thinking to yourself maybe I can show up and like you know like inspire an entire community or you know like what was going through your mind when you're like I'm going to start just creating videos that are very different than the way a lot of people probably know me and just put them up. >> It actually didn't start that way. I so I while I was healing >> with from COVID, you know, I hadn't been on TikTok before that. I I I've been on, you know, some social media for years. I used them for my business. Uh but I hadn't been on Tik Tok. And I think like a lot of people my age were like that's for teenagers and dance videos. My I've got a couple of teen young kids myself. So I I knew was aware of it. I was like, yeah, I wasn't interested. But I found myself lying in bed for a month, you know, scrolling through. That was what entertained me. And I remember thinking I could do this like you know there not the dance part but there were there were starting at that time people were starting to make content that wasn't just dance videos you know and so I was like I think I could do this and then originally I thought I would use it for my business. I was like I'm going to start making videos for my business and it never turned into that. I in trying to figure out how to use the platform and learning the technology you know the first few videos I made out they were just funny. They were just funny videos. They had nothing to do with my generation. Um, I did not set out thinking anybody would see them. I honestly had zero expectations. Um, I was like, I'm just, you know, I was just trying to learn the technology. And then one day, I don't remember why I made it, but I made a video that was the sounds only Gen X hears. And it was just opening clips, like few seconds of opening sounds to songs that would resonate, like would get you. They're like a dog whistle. As soon as you hear them, you know, you stop. And I made this video and um it it it didn't do much at first and then I was it because I was an investigator, my brain is wired to just go down the rabbit hole very very easily. So I was down the rabbit hole trying to figure out how this stuff works. And somebody said, "Hey, if a video doesn't work the first time, just repost it." So I did. And that I went to bed and I woke up and the ne that next day all of a sudden I had 40,000 new followers off of that one video. And I was like I mean I was like I don't even I have no idea what's happening. And so um you know I also fell into the trap early on listening to people who are like oh you know Tik Tok wants to put you in a niche. And so you know if you try to make any videos are outside of that niche then uh they are not going to perform well. So I was like oh then I need to make another Gen X video because that video did really well. And so I started making videos about Gen X. I started just talking a little bit about just early on a little bit just funny stuff about our generation and um slowly that built into storytelling. I've always been I've always been a chatty Kathy I guess and um story I love I love storytelling. never really considered myself a storyteller, I don't think, but I I could tell a good story. And so I started um making content, making Gen X, went right into that uh down into that niche and uh started making more videos for our generation. And that's really what started to take traction. So I thought, "Oh, that's true. You really just have to be in a niche and only do this one thing and those videos will do well." Well, what came from that was I got I get bored very easily. >> And I was like, I can't do just I can't only talk about this one thing. I don't I don't have enough to talk about. I because of the trauma that I've endured as as a child, I don't have a lot of memories. You know, a lot of that's really just not it's just a blank. It's just blank. And um it's more like a movie reel, you know, little clips of stuff. And so I early on had a really hard time connecting with a lot of Gen X content cuz I was like I don't I don't remember that much. But the a lot of people would surprisingly comments would unlock a memory where I was like oh my gosh I completely forgot about that you know and so it's been that's where the therapeutic side of it came where I was like this is very this is good for me. It's helping me remember good things, right? I wasn't only holding on to sort of the dark memories and and so um it was good because it was helping me to reconnect with the good of my childhood, the stuff I really did love about growing up in the time that we grew up, you know? I mean, we were feral, but we were free. It was a lot different world. And that's been one of the most joyful things for me is that being able to sort of reconnect with the nostalgia and the memories and the good times, right? And and so that's I got bored and I was like, I can't just talk about this one thing. And I am not a believer in be I don't like being told what to do. So let's just I don't just don't I don't like to be told what to do. And so I was like, you know what? Screw you. I'm not only going to do this one thing. I'm going to do what I want to do. and this is this felt it felt genuine to make that content but it also some didn't feel as genuine as I wanted to be because I was like I don't remember enough and so I started talking about the one thing I could really talk about off very authentically which is aging and so I started talking making videos about aging and midlife and just why didn't anybody tell us that this is what the hell happens to you when you get to be this age and I you know I've always been funny and sar very sarcastic and um so I but I never considered I never really considered myself to be that funny but I mean if I look back I'm like okay I've always been kind of funny but I started you know that those videos didn't take off right away but then eventually those really started to do well also also still connecting with the same audience just through a different genre really you know it's like oh we're all we're all still at the same age we're all going through it we've all grown up the same way and then menopause hit me and so I uh started making videos about that and uh those are hilarious because menopause is just ridiculous and so you can make fun of that all day and I just sort of broke the rules of the algorithm which was that you're only a lot of people do only just do one kind of thing and I do multiple things and through that what came out of that was that I started making these daily dose videos because I was again they they were therapeutic for me they were somewhat um they were funny, nostalgic, but then they were also somewhat healing. I I was I was telling my own stories, but also the stories of others at the same time. And so what I recognized after a while of doing that, especially through the comments, was that there's this really sort of brokenness to a lot of our generation. And so that that, you know, a lot of them they have they haven't found a way out. They don't they have they can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. they still are very much living in a place where I lived for so long. And so I started making these daily dose videos. They were kind of a tough love um you know kick in the pants, you know, wake up type video. And um they were really chipping away at some of the t really kind of tougher parts of life, you know, about talking about the letting go and the finding peace and um happiness and and and all of that. And so I ended up just being sort of this hodgepodge of content, you know, and it somehow worked. It somehow broke the rules. It somehow not just on one platform. It wasn't just Tik Tok. That's where I started. Uh but it was uh you know, I started putting content on Instagram and and uh Facebook. And next thing you know, now I've got, like I said, almost six million people where I'm still I still struggle to believe that there's almost six million people that care about one thing that I have to say. >> Yeah. And and I mean I I I wonder if part of that also you you said you broke the rules of the algorithm, right? Which yes, you did, you know, because everybody tells you choose your niche, stay really like just boom, boom, boom. And you hit a point where you're like, "All right, I can't actually be me and do that thing even though it seems like the algorithm is reminding me." When you decide, I just need to start talking about and sharing who I am and what I see and what I'm experiencing. You didn't just break the rules of the algorithm in no small way. You also broke the rules of culture, of society, about what a quote woman of a certain age, the expectations about how that person would show up. And you're like, "Oh, hell no." Like, this is so it wasn't just the algorithm, you know, that was sort of like it was bigger than that. Yeah, you just you just reminded me. I mean, ear especially early on. So, I mean, I have blue hair. At one point, my hair was purple. I have tattoos. I'm 52, you know. I cussed like a sailor, even though I'm being nice here on your podcast. Um, I I got a lot of hate early on, you know, and I still do occasionally. I've learned to ignore it. You cannot dwell in the comments. It'll tear you down. Um, but I used to I used to, you know, see those comments and they would bother me and and I started I started at first they did bother me. It almost for a while made me even reconsider what I was doing like putting myself out there because you know was because people can be so mean or you know I I come from a time where if you talk trash you get punched in the mouth and now everybody does it behind their keyboard you know so it's it's different and so I was I didn't know how to deal with that you know this these key keyboard warriors if you will the trolls and so it almost discouraged me and then there was a part of me that was like no that's not who I am. Like that just was more fuel on my on my fire. And so I started doing these clapback videos and started sort of snapping back at people of like what you know that their idea of agism you know like I realized then in those moments that agism was alive and well and how real it was and especially for women and so I used that as content that for me that was I was like you are lowhanging fruit like you are making this so easy for me like I will I can I can use this all day to chew you up and spit you out. And I did that for a while and I don't do them as often anymore. I don't because I a I don't get in the comments that much um for that kind of content. But uh I I also recognized that I you know the clapbacks although people love them. My clapback videos always generally do very very well. Uh I realized that it wasn't really who I wanted to be. I didn't want to, you know, I didn't want to be here. I am talking about, you know, living in your in your authenticity and and and being kind to yourself and finding peace and happiness and then this next the next video I'm handing somebody, you know, their entire dignity, you know, in one little video, 30 second clip. And so I realized that it sort of was a little bit of a conflict for me, you know, that it it it it made me come across in some ways almost as maybe being disingenuine, you know, that I was uh I was saying one thing and doing another. And so I'll still occasionally do it if they catch me on the right day. Um you know, I'm just rageful enough on on the right day, I will still clap back. But um I just, you know, realized that that wasn't uh early on it served its purpose. And uh people still say, "Oh, I really miss your Clapback videos." But some people thrive on that. Some people just thrive on the negativity, and I didn't want to be perceived as negative. And those videos tend to be a little more in the negative space. And so, I don't do them as often. But you're absolutely right that I did break all those rules. You know, I don't not just what I say and how I say it, but just in how I show up in general, right? The belief that like, you know, they're like, "Okay, grandma, with your blue hair, you're trying too hard." You know, those kind of comments, you And I'm like, I'm not trying. This is just me. Like, yeah, I don't have to try. I'm not I don't I don't I don't I'm married. I got kids. I'm not planning to have any more kids. I I have my own business. There's nothing that I need. So, but they don't get that. And some people just are so um they're just in such a bad place in the in their own lives that they would like to drag other people down with them. And so, I tend to I like I said, I just try to ignore those people now. But yeah, they they are out there and they are uh they come out in full force sometimes. Yeah. And I mean it's really when you and again as you were saying like when women are judged very differently than men you know especially on social media where somebody can hide behind a screen or when there isn't sort of like this direct thing. I mean, it's like, yeah, I don't know if you read Miranda July's All Fours, which is this tremendous book, but you know, if you look at the reviews on that book and and you know, it's a novel about a woman in her 40s who's really just completely rediscovering who she is and what she wants out of life and sexuality and relationships. And a lot of the reviews on that book are like five stars and one star. And it's, you know, but it really it's just it's so raw and visceral and and powerful about like what happens like when a woman basically says, "Okay, like I need to actually do this this part of my life in the way that makes sense for me." Um, and I know I've heard Miranda interviewed also and she said she's taken a lot of heat. Some people, you know, absolutely love her and what she wrote and resonate so deeply. And there are, you know, these all fours group chats um that are, you know, going on around the world. And then other people just fiercely reject the the whole notion that a woman in the middle years of her life could talk about things like this and show up in a particular way and consider these ideas. And you like I see what you're doing as you know it's so compelling in one way because you're basically saying just deal with it you know like look this is me >> you know >> I I tend to phrase it a little differently than that but yes you're absolutely right >> but in in a in a kind way it's like you're not saying that overtly at all but what you're saying is in the way that you show up you know you're you're basically saying okay so like I know who I am and for decades of my life I didn't show up as this person, at least in this way. And now I'm going to bring it all forward. And some of you may like that. Some of you may love it. Some of you may be inspired by it. Some of you may hate it. Some of you may be threatened by it or offended by it. But that's not going to stop me from showing up in this way because I'm like, I I know who I am and why I'm doing it and it feels right to me. I mean, does that land? because that's the way it feels when it >> I'm nodding because I'm like that's that's absolutely you know you you c you captured that very well. Um because it is it is it that's exactly where I'm at and and for me you know it wasn't until I was close to 50 for me to finally step into that space and and it feels right. It does it feels good. It feels good to say you know what you said it way nicer than I would but I I you know I'm like yeah screw you. this is who I am and you don't have to like me that I don't because I don't care if you do or you don't. You hit a point in life especially women I think finally hit a point in life where the especially the menopausal years for women where you just are like I yeah you know what I'm all not only am I I this is who I am take me or leave me but I don't want to be the version of me that you want. I don't want to be that person anymore. I live that way for so long. I refuse to dishonor myself any longer for other people. And that's really for me that's that deep sense of freedom in finding that of like, you know what, I refuse to dishonor myself any longer. And if you don't like that, that's a you problem. It's not my problem. And and and it feels you feel lighter. You feel good to know that I I feel good to know that I show up every day as who I this person who I am, the person I've always been, but but you know, tempered or hid or um contorted for other people that I get to show up as this person every day and that there are people out there that do appreciate it. You know, there are people that look for that. They're looking for that little nugget of wisdom, something that breathes life into their day, something that helps them find courage, something that helps them to evolve, helps them to wake up. So many so many women, especially now that I'm on tour, so many women who come up to me and tell me that story of like, uh, you saved my life. You have you have breathed life into a part of me that I thought was dead and that I don't take that for granted. And it it gives me purpose. You know, I told you in the beginning, I I always felt I didn't know it was this, but I always felt some sense of purpose that I wasn't fulfilling, that there was something greater I was supposed to be doing. I didn't know it would be sharing, you know, saged wisdom in my 50s. I had no idea it would be that. But it feels right, you know, and I don't know where it's going to take me, you I I will continue, you know, when I I received the award that I received, one of the things that I really when I I I I couldn't believe that I deserved an award like that, like I really struggled. I was like I was up for like three awards initially. One was for comedy, one was for motivational, inspirational, and the other was for the cheer of the year. And the first two felt okay. I was like, "Okay, comedy, sure, I can take that." Motivational, inspirational, I'll even give you that. But cheer of the year just really made me step back. back. I was like, I don't I didn't feel worthy of that. I felt like there's so many people doing really like powerful important things in the world that are deserving of something like that, you know, and when I won, I was in shock uh naturally. But so many people that came that either came through the comments or sent me messages that said, "You absolutely deserved it. You've changed my life. You saved my life." you know that they were um near their end of their rope. You know, for I don't know, a lot of people don't realize, but women in this age uh suicide rates are the highest for women in their uh midlife and especially late 40s, early 50s. And so, for them to have something um someone that they can look to, you know, that either makes them laugh or makes them think or helps them in some way to find um you know, whatever it is that they seek. uh whether that be peace or happiness or whatever, I will continue to show up for those people as long as I can because I know what that felt like. I lived that way for so long and um to know that I'm helping even just one person, you know, is enough for me to keep doing it. >> Yeah. And also, you know, part of the way that you show up um there's this sense that okay, so you know, this is resonating. you know, you're building an audience and a community and and you're getting to show up and share parts of yourself, but that like a big piece of of this also, at least from like from the outside looking in, is it looks like you're genuinely having fun. >> Oh, I do. I do. >> It looks like And I think so many of us, we reach sort of like a certain point in life and we're like, "Oh, yeah. the fun days, the carefree days, the loose, the goofball days, like the you like that left you like when I was 16 and I was just bouncing around with my friends and you know this is this is not the season of life for that and you're showing up you're like oh no no no no no like this gets a seat at the table and it looks like when you show up you're snarky and you're but there's there's like a it really looks like you're just having fun and you know it's a reminder that says oh this happen. This matters. You can show up this way. Some people may dismiss you, but a lot of other people actually won't. And a lot of other people will say, "Oh, like I want some of that." >> I hope that they do. I really I mean, I am genuinely having fun. I I love, you know, my I look back at my early videos and where where I was to where I have where I am now and just seeing how I've how that's evolved and how much fun I have I've allowed myself to have. And I think, you know, touching on what you just said about, you know, we believe that that that all goes away because, you know, that that that laughter and fun and um carefree spirit is only for the young. You know, we believe that's we're we're kind of taught that, you know, that now. I mean, there's a video going around right now, for example, where they're like interviewing people on the street saying, you know, what year do you have to be born to be considered old? you know, and it's these kids that are like, "Oh, you know, 2000." And I'm like, "Oh, 25 is old now." Like, I I had no idea. It's this idea of of the of young, right? We're sold this bill of goods that like you have to do everything when you're like young because there's going to come a point, you know, when you're old that you're not going to be able to do those things. And that's a bunch of trash. Like, that's not true. For me, the best of my life is just starting. Like I I mean, yeah, I've got my kids and I' th those parts of my life will never be outdone, but like I'm doing things in my in my 50s that I would have I never I would have never done in my 20s, you know, that I never I would have never shown up the way that I do now in my in my 20s. And and there's a there's something to be said about, you know, in especially especially at this point in your life of like showing up authentically and just really enjoying a ride. And that's one of my standard lines. I say it at a lot of the end of my videos, especially my daily dose ones of just enjoy the enjoy the ride, you know, and I don't say it quite like that, but um that's that you just got to enjoy every moment of it. Life is so short and we take for granted every day, every hour, every minute that goes by. We just take that for granted and it is truly wasted on the young. And when you're young, you think you've got all this time ahead of you. You've got your whole life ahead of you. And those two second chance moments that I had taught me that I those could have been snuffed out like that. Like that life could have been over and all of those, you know, things I could have done, should have done, uh the regrets that maybe I would have had of the things that I didn't do. I don't want that for myself anymore. I just want to live and enjoy what life has to offer. And because you know what? It could be gone tomorrow. It could be gone. It could be I don't want to be on my deathbed and look back and have regrets. And if I had continued to live the way that I had, I would have so many regrets. And so, you know, just enjoy a ride. Whatever the ride is, you know, whatever it is, enjoy it. Do the things that make you that scare you and do the things that make you come alive. And those are the things for me. You know, there's so many things that held me back because I was scared. Well, I, you know, now I'm like, whatever. It is what it is. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do the hard things. I'm going to do those things that scare me. Uh because they they that those are the things that make you they for me they make me feel alive. And then the things that make you feel, you know, that make you come alive. What those are the things you're passionate about. Those are the things that you know for I tell with work if you do a job that you hate that literally drains the life out of you. I used that was me. Get up every morning and literally cannot stand the idea of having to crawl out of bed and go to this place that feels like a prison. You should be doing something else. But find something that sets your soul on fire, that gives you life, that breathes life into your fire instead of like snuffs your fire out, you know? and that do those things because life is short and you don't want to get to the end of your days whether you die slowly or you die suddenly and have and look back and god I wish I had done those things and so that's where I was after my my second second chance was like man that could have it could have been gone and I wasn't even 50 yet and now I'm 50 and 52 I keep for you know I started really making that content at 50 but 52 be 53 this year and I'm doing things now that I never would have I couldn't I could not imagine have I never imagined I didn't have those were not in my cards. They were not on my being a content creator going on tour doing standup comedy. None of that was on my bingo card. Okay. Uh it was not it wasn't on my bucket list. And here yet here I am in my 50s suddenly doing all these things that I never would have done in my 20s or 30s. you if you would have tried to convince me to get on a stage and do standup in my 20s, 30s, 40s, I would have laughed and been like, there's no way you could I would have never said yes. But I'm in my yes phase of life. I'm in the point in my life where it's like say yes to everything that you possibly can because our days get shorter. You know, they they they're they're shorter, not just in the sense of they go by faster, but we just have less time on this earth. And so, you just got to do everything that you want to do and can do while you can still do it. I love that. Feels like a good place for us to come full circle, too. And so, I always wrap these conversations with the same question. I kind of feel like you just answered it, but I'm still going to ask you. Um, in this container of good life project, if I offer up the phrase to live a good life, what comes up? >> Um, I think to live a good life is not wishing that you were somebody else. Every time you wake up, you want you just wishing, not wishing that you were someone else. live a life. The good life is living a life every day just being who you are and not wishing you or someone else. And that's the good life for me. That's freedom for me is just being me. And um yeah, I think that's that sums it up for me. Just waking up every day not wishing that I was anybody but the person that I am. That's that's a good life. >> Thank you. If you haven't yet subscribed to the show, it would mean the world to me if you took just two seconds to tap on that subscribe button. It helps us grow our Goodl Life Project community and continue creating the best possible show that we can for you. And it ensures you'll never miss an