The Transcendent Dimension That Makes Intimate Relationships Last

You are essentially the invisible consciousness that underlies all manifestation. That's the essence of who you are. And when you can sense that, you can sense it in the other. And that means there's a spiritual that is the transcendent dimension in a relationship. When you're not only there as a personality, as a mind, and as a body, but you're also there as a field of conscious presence. You are or every human being is actually ultimately invisible. What you see about a person is very little. What you see about a person is a physical body. That's the first thing you see. And whatever whatever they may put on their body, that's the first thing you see. And often that's the first attraction. You're attracted to somebody's physical form. And that's when this the relationship operates mainly on the physical level. And then of course the there's a personality there too that manifests through words and action. And that comes already out of the unseen because there's a whole world of mind and emotion which you cannot see. You cannot detect with your sense. You can detect how it certain emanation through facial expressions and the energy behind words that are being spoken. But thoughts are already invisible. Scientists have examined the brain, but they haven't actually found any thoughts. They don't even know yet really what a thought is. No matter how with the most powerful microscope you're not going to discover if you examine the brain of a person you can not going to find any thought oh there's a thought we so we know very little about the world of mind really and I'm only talking about thoughts over not even about the underlying consciousness of which thoughts are only a temporary expression Think back for let's say can you when you were 10 years old the house or the apartment where you lived. Can you see it in your mind's eye? Can you sense you're opening the door and you're walking in and then you're opening the door. If you had a room, you're opening the door to your room and you can see what's in the room. And there's a kitchen, too. And you were 10 years old. How old you are now? I don't know. Maybe it was 15, 30, 40, 50 years ago. Now I asked you that question and suddenly the memory of that room came back to you. You can even little details even how something feels. How did the door handle feel? Why am I asking these questions? Well, how did in what form did this memory live in you? Did it live in your brain in the form of certain molecules or atoms that were uh nerve impulses or whatever that said, oh that's that's the living room and that's the feeling of the door handle and that's that and that's the smell of the kitchen which how did that survive in? We don't know. It's all invisible. It's all the realm of the invisible. How does a memory survive in you? And you might not think about it for 20 years and suddenly you remember something. Where did that live? And where did these hundreds of thousands of memories, where do they all live? So then you as the mind, you are invisible. And you as consciousness, the mind is only a manifestation of consciousness, totally invisible. The essence of who you are is totally invisible. And not even just the essence, even on the mental level, you're invisible. Uh so at the most essential level feeling the this the realm of yourself of your invisible self. Feeling that in you is feel is is realizing that you are essentially the invisible consciousness that underlies all manifestation. That's the essence of who you are. And when you can sense that, you can sense it in the other. And that means there's a spiritual that is the transcendent dimension in a relationship. When you're not only there as a personality, as a mind, and as a body, but you're also there as a field of conscious presence. And the other person also is not just a mind and a body plus emotions, but more essentially a field of conscious presence. And as that you can sometimes sense that when you recognize it in another that the other is essentially in essence the same as you on the level of consciousness. Not the content of consciousness. That's the mind that bearies the very different content of consciousness. But essentially when you can sense the essence of who you are, then you can also sense the essence of who the other who or what the other person is. And sometimes you can sense it when you look into a person's eyes for a couple of minutes and you can then join together and feel that oneness beyond the personality. And then you don't even need to set aside time. Although you can still do it and enjoy it, but you don't need to make it into particular practice. Although you might want to do it for a while. But even when you are just looking at another person, you see the body. You are aware of how their mind manifests through their words, their facial expressions and so on. and you interact with that. You might touch the body of the other person. You may engage with their mind. You might could feel the emotional bond. But you can also sense the underlying presence in you and in in him or her. So that's the that's spaciousness in the relationship. And then a great thing a great source of uh unconscious suffering in relationships is the need to be right. This you find it all the time couples having an argument. They need to be the need to be right with great force. You need to show the other person that you are right. Con to make the other person wrong by implication. needing to be right is you need to make the other person wrong so the other person can finally agree with you. But he or she won't of course because they're in the same pattern and that is there because of this complete lack of spaciousness. This the need to be right is a mental the mental emotional phenomenon of ego. You're identified with a certain position in your mind. You derive your sense of self from it and that's why you need to be so defensive and aggressive because you're defending your very life. It's illusory of course but that's how you feel without knowing it. And that's ego. But if there's spaciousness in the relationship, uh you can have a discussion in a different way where you you can you're still able to listen to the other and the other listen to you and there's space around the mental positions conscious space around it and you are that space. You're not the position. The same with children. It's very important to give to when you relate to children. If you have you have children again that element of spaciousness needs to be there otherwise the most vital thing is missing in the life of the child. And that would be the your presence for the child. And the child wants that without knowing it consciously. The child wants you to be there. And it this does not mean that you give attention to the child. Many parents give attention to the child only on the mental level. Which usually means now you need to do this. Don't do that. Have you done that? Now, let's do this. What did you do? And so on. Many ch many parents, they're doing their best to their children, but they're not really giving attention. They're only giving attention on the mental level. There's a lot of doing. In many families these days they continuously everybody's doing now what do we need to do next get this done don't do that and then they on their phones complete lack of spaciousness and children already grow up with lack of spaciousness in themselves and in the entire family environment. Children grow up with cluttered minds already, more cluttered than ever before because they already have these devices. So to counteract that, it's vital that the parents bring in the dimension of spaciousness. Listen to your child. Don't always say do this or don't do that. Just just listen. Sometimes bring the being is another word for it. Bring the dimension of being it. So that the entire family environment is not consumed by continuous doing. You bring being. Doesn't mean you stop doing but being is a something deeper that can actually be the background to your doing. And occasionally you don't do you just be. Give attention. Acknowledge the child. Acknowledge the essence of the child. Not just relate to the mind of the child or the emotional level of the child. Acknowledge the essence of the child. But you can only do it if you have if you're living if you're living from your essence. And the child wants to be recognized in his or her essence by you. It's very frustrating if the child feels that it's you're not really there which is unfortunately the case with many parents who who are not conscious all the parents who are not conscious the children feel there you're not there really you're absent. with your children. It but also other it means certain doing certain activities together that don't stimulate the mind too much. This can be very helpful being in nature together. Have times when have agreements that there are certain periods when you do not use your gadgets, your devices so that you can be there with the other person. So the vital question just to remember is there space in this relationship.