This Chat Saved Her Marriage

so as I sat here come on I started to get this intense pain in my neck okay and I'm not really sure why I hope it wasn't associated with me no okay so let's just we'll put that on the back burner for now but what brought you here work well thank you my husband is we have a difficult relationship okay you Happ to expand on what's not easy the exclusive Behavior both sides yeah we're both pittas okay p means fire type for those of you not familiar with he just kind of blows up over like the smallest things and maybe they're not small to him but to me they just seem so mind them when was the last time he blew up a week ago okay and it was about I came home after picking up my daughter from school she was in a really bad moood not explaining what was going on to me she we're very close yeah um so she's usually very open um she was crying prly so I thought something happened at school and I asked her what's going on what happened at school yeah and she just said leave me alone I don't want to talk to you okay and so you know she was using some profanity and it was like well something's really going on yeah so we get inside she goes to her room she slaps her bedroom door and I'm like just trying to breathe I sit down my H's on the couch he's on his phone and I can see he's on Instagram so I thought you know he's not doing anything important yeah as he's on his phone he says what's going on and I said well she's in a really bad mood so don't don't even attempt to talk to her you know and explained everything that she was saying and she dropped some me bombs and he turned and looked at me and he said just stop talking you're triggering me and so then after he said that I got up I went into the kitchen and I was doing my thing and he comes in and he says are you okay what's the problem I said I'm not okay you dismissed me I was trying to have a conversation with you and kind of just have something to listen to me yeah and then he just lost it on the floor that he went into the living room and decided to take the couch so badly okay must be a pretty shitty C sh Ikea Vint you old yeah okay I got it so we're going to cut to the drinks right I'm playing with you with you right and you're a smart woman but I can also see the help a lot so where did you learn to be in an environment like that yeah give us a snapshot what was it like my dad worked a lot come home he didn't want any watchv from what happened if someone there would be an argument that my mother would break dishes to be so let me ask you a question if I was a neighbor with very thin walls in the house next to you where you grow up and then I was the same neighbor in the house that you're currently in and I didn't know what was going on in there would it probably sound similar yeah wouldn't it and daughters slamming doors don't want to talk to me doesn't sound too dissimilar to your dad right one of my favorite Expressions folks is there's a language we use and there's a language that uses us and they very very hope for you profoundly points to right now we using language that's the language we use but the language that very clearly for me is using Spa like many of you is what she learned as a condition form of language based on the environment she was in make sense that's the tricky one that's the slippy one that's the Insidious language that drives your life but I'm getting a very hopefully many of you are getting a very clear sense of what maybe that language is right we're going to get to that okay great so Dad would not want to be deserved if watches TV you know husband's on the phone instagramming probably doesn't want to be disturbed just out of curiosity what do you think his experience is when he comes into the kitchen says what he says and then goes back out KES the cat like what is his reality what might be his prison that he's living in that he's supposed to fix everything yeah and if he's not what does that mean about it that is a failure yeah very clear that you marry someone who can't get anything right and he's angry with that so I don't know what your father-in-law is like but I'm going to guess he probably grew up in AEV especially in India I know that culture very well where there was a lot of judgment about who he was as a little boy yeah okay still yeah for sure he was being a little boy when he came in right you get it like you're both having attack yeah it's okay I got all the time and space for it I just don't want you to live that life yeah I don't he no it's exhausting so he's being a little boy who can't do anything right and that's what he hears not what you said he actually asked you the question what's going on you started to engage answering the question but he's listening through the landz off he can never [ __ ] do anything right he takes so much guilt about the fact that his daughter who he's probably the closest to I don't know that but like daughter dad energy just the least energetically and so then you live in a world which is very clear to me which is W so if he lives in the world he can't do anything right what's your want I'm not listening to I'm not heard and if you're not heard how do you feel inadequate yeah that's part of it but it's a little bit more it's a little bit more at stake for you right so what was it like when you came home and you couldn't disturb dad right and if you did you'd hear about it or he'd blow up right how did that make you feel as a kid I was and if I made too much noise or Ruckus I would get sanking yeah yeah now just from your facial features I can see that impact in you yeah yeah that's the hurt that you're experiencing two Primal energies that drive all of you I promise you is you're either hurt scared or both she's both you see that CU this all fun this is your husband right you got two beautiful kids now you're starting to presentence right so thank you thank you for going there because help you you're literally becoming a different person for which reason you can now heal because you're living in a prison Unown to yourself you have the by products of it and the impact of it you just don't know the cause of it so it's not inadequacy but as a kid growing up in environment where you couldn't go close to your own father for the fear of being spanked what does that feel like what is that kids's experience it's not that they're not good enough they're love I didn't feel loved for sure that's for sure I even would ask him to just hug me yeah yeah understand but let's just presence so for your daughter going in slamming the doors like she's had a bad day she's crying she's dropping F BS right she's upset right she's really upset we don't know why you may have gotten to last week it doesn't really matter but that little girl that you were in a house your house with your father who you can't go near and ramifications of doing that are for a child quite consequential are you walking around Breezy happy go lucky as a child with that with that energy are you you know I you were gregarious before I was until you get home right I hear and I it happens now when I hear my husband's car door shock I'm like yeah exactly I had that like that realization recently and I was just like yeah that's you fulfilling on the trauma of your own prison right that's the Legacy and you keep perpetuating through no fault of your own you're helping so many people especially women because they have this prison is the predominant one from nearly every woman maybe not the same circumstances you're in but I promise you they'll all relate so for that reason I'm grateful and Hopey they will show their gratitude and whatever for my here but I want you to go back to that little girl who can't even go to her own father for the fear of the ramifications so how did that little girl feel with the fear of whatever ramifications scary there you go W you I mean I don't want to put words in your mouth that is what I feel for you is it you were scared as a little girl who here as a little girl boy can recognize you had moments in your life where you were scared doesn't mean your parents are [ __ ] but you know maybe some of them yeah so you're scared and that I would say or be at the adult version because now you're big enough you got resources maybe you have an attorney you've got a bre you know you but you're going to be scared when your husband comes home to some degree right it's the diluted version It's the residual version so when someone's scared what are they saying about their environment that it's not safe correct just sit with that you live in a world where you're not safe presence that feel that what's that like to walk around 24/7 the illusion is it's okay when my husband's not there which is a terrible justification for it but you really live in a world where you fundamentally are safe yeah what's that like sucks you have through no fult of your own I'm sure you have beautiful children this is exactly the car where you need it so there's no fold here but you've attracted to the man who continues that energetic for you and likewise you to him because you're pter you're sharp I guess is you're not always that gracious with what you say there right which is exactly what he needs so that he feels belittled he feels criticized and judged which you would do a good job at especially when you're a woman inside of a world where you don't feel safe because you're going to be like this all the time so you're not going to necessarily be the most compassionate woman on the planet either as f as made doesn't make you a bad person doesn't make you a bad guy you got married for good reason you fell in love and I believe that's beneath the surface but as long as you have these stories of inadequacy driving your behavior you are in dysfunction okay so let's go back and let's look at this what I call this prison this Primal prison which as I said is the predominant one for most women and rightly so in a world where for decades centuries women have been abused right you walk out of here at night it's Venice Main Street hopefully it's nice but let's face it let's be honest A Guy Walks at his car five blocks prob doesn't think much about a woman walks by herself with a nice purse you put on a nice dress maybe tonight and it's like you're not going to feel as comfortable as the guy that's just physics right Fair guys listen to what I just say let's change that okay so if you do see someone from this event who is walking by themselves please as a gentleman maybe offer sa just as a suggestion okay let's change that no but for you living inside of the world that you're not safe you learned that from a very young age and now it continues to dictate the way that you associate relate to life and hence the kind of man you attracted and not just the man you attracted but that version of him because I'm sure if I met him and then I spoke to one of his best buddies at work or he plays golf with or whatever he's like now he's awesome so we always attract not just the person really want you to get this the version of the person that is most appropriate for our own color because I'm sure at some point he wasn't quite that person right he wasn't quite that aggressive or explosive right maybe saw semblance of it began with passion you know was great oh this guy's so fun like he's so driven right yes okay so then let's just look at this one more if I'm not safe so if I were and I'll take you through the exercise to cut you open am I going to find a physical manufacturing label of whatever material inside of you that says V from Mexico you I'm not safe no I'm not right not at all so where does I'm not sa livep it's in my mind in your mind yeah in your mind and it is in the form of what myself yeah and it's not even things you tell yourself anymore it's who you are yeah I really want you to get that people talk about limiting beliefs there are not limiting beliefs it's who you are for yourself there not who you are literally who you are as time is boundless Limitless looking through a lens of limitation of the deepest resources your subconscious that you're oblivious to for which reason you can't be hard accountable that's where the compassion comes in but this subtle language that is defining you then gives rise to whatever Bel belie and thoughts you have on top of that right so it's the Deep narrative so not only you not safe it's not safe for you to be you either yeah right just add that one how many people can resonate with that right definitely not safe for you to be you better become somebody else in order to be accepted right you said you're not loved that's down line that's down stream from well first of all you're not safe to start with okay now it's not you're not safe to be you cuz what you want to do is run up and get down a hug you want to play but it's not safe and it's not safe to be me and now they just Compound on themselves you can't even express yourself your own husband right do you see how it just consistently shows up everywhere yeah okay so if it's in your mind and it's wor is it an absolute truth that who you are is not safe no it's not right so as you step out of that realizing that's not a truth I know this is instantaneous I'm introducing to a world you're not necessarily familiar with what might become available for you if you're no longer in the world of you're not saved how might you just feel in your body less um constricted yeah I feel really tense you did yeah like the pain in my neck is gone did I tell you we put that on the back my first radio that was going be my next question how can she spoil it but I'm got to deal with my prison because also what's happening is when I come in you probably walked in here it's your second time I'm making all of these presumptions maybe you felt like you were pretty quick to your hand up so I'm going to lead to the fact that there was the assumption that you already had the idea that you wanted to talk to me I walk here what happens then as you get closer to the moment where you might have to express yourself but you're not safe to be you Isn't that cool wow wow when you understand physics folks and you pay attention it's all there that's crazy so as soon as I walk in I represent the dad and husband coming home your body goes into immediately its familiar pattern relating to anything that might be a perceived threat which means you have to go into tension which is why you tend to unconsciously actually encourage the Outburst from your husband because energetically it'll be unconscious to him you're creating equally an environment where he doesn't know that you're unsafe therefore he feels judgment which triggers his feeling that he's inadequate and not doing things right now you're in the perfect ship storm and your own ego is driving the show isn't that crazy folks is that cool or what yeah it's amazing I mean I know he's not completely I know I have my own [ __ ] right like I know I just didn't I didn't see that at all in you yeah of course you're a sweetheart as his here and I'm sure you love each other but you have no chance right now you're in pure survival because as long as you think you're in individual self you have no choice but to survive and you're both surviving here's the irony you're both surviving limitations that are killing you you're both being a right about a world that you define at a very young age through no F of your own that's actually suffocating the potential of who you are and the love that you could share so how do we change things well we're doing it right now is it true that you're not saved no it's not is it it's a story and I equally say you're safe but I can categorically say you're not not safe do you get that yeah you're in a prison I'm removing the bask what you do with your life is you step outside I don't know but it's way better than being behind bask right agreed yes great now I don't know what your husband's going to be like when you get home my guess is if you really embody this new energy if I am completely free because you are we're finding Freedom are we not yes yeah your body is Li you got free from the tension that was in your neck that was associated with the perceived threat that I walk on a stage representing that you might do something wrong because you're not safe to be you and this isn't a safe environment because you're in front of a bunch of strangers all of a sudden you've held core beautifully changed lives unbeknown to yourself your body's more relaxed and you have a new life to step into thank you that's pretty [ __ ] cool isn't it for 44 bucks [Applause] so who might you be in the absence of feeling fear who might you be not just for yourself but for your husband love something he can probably really use yeah but you've been too busy defending yourself rightly so and you have no choice so there's no guilt or shame you love him don't you yeah now you can be committed to a loving relationship versus trying to stay safe which is a reaction totally different world you step into a world of creation not Reaction game changer and last question how does that change the way you can relate to your kids it's huge yeah it's massive as a mother isn't it because your daughter slamming the door that's just generation Generation generation continuing the same thing that's your dad watching TV don't talk to me same thing you get to right now disrupt that pattern by taking accountability not through fault or guilt of being responsible for the energetics that you're imprinting on your own children I realizing holy [ __ ] I have taught them the language and not safe cuz what happened when you picked her up at the school and she got in the car she didn't want to talk to me shocker yeah you're not a safe SPI is that who you yeah that hurts doesn't it yeah I'm sorry but I want you to hear it so you can see it be responsible true it's true yeah she doesn't feel safe around you nor shouldn't you you don't feel safe around you but now you can and you can clean that up with her and it will be the most powerful impact especially on a team she loves you she doesn't know where the [ __ ] to go but she knows energetically unconsciously that she can't talk to you and she probably feels a lot of guilt because she knows if she does that you'll go to Dad and Dad gets pissed and so she's got double protection to go that's a lot of pressure for a team you see that so they got a new mom he got a new wife that's pretty cool we all got a new friend hopefully everyone got to send more freedom and you don't have a shitty NE anymore okay thank you so much this was one of my favorite conversations by the way have you seen H I barely recognized that how's the couch the couch is gone okay good give us an update my dear so it was a total out ofbody experience when I spoke to you like I don't really remember much after I left I just felt like I was kind of high mhm and when I got home immediately the energy shifted I was just like in this really good place my dogs came to greet me and I just threw myself on the floor and just let them lick me and you know and then I went into my son's room he was already asleep um but I gave him a cuddle and he woke up and he was like being very affectionate so that was really nice and then I walked into my daughter's room and my husband and my daughter were laying on her bed and they were cracking up and having the best time and it was just really nice to see yeah and my daughter asked me to cuddle she's 16 you know so that was really sweet and that's very rare 16-year-old daughter with a mother yeah yeah and so um my husband said I'll let you two hang out I'm going to go to bed okay so I cuddled with her and she then went on about in in a really nice way how I haven't been cuddling with her I haven't been telling her I love her I haven't been affectionate or wanting to spend time with her yeah and I was just you know broke down in tears I didn't realize how far up my own ARS I was basically thank you for using the r being the British the translation that's ass but Dar so it was really nice to cuddle with her and I just felt I felt really good and then I went to bed and I laid I went into my room laid in bed and I held my husband's hand H and said thank you I love you and we went to bed and that I'm assuming is not typical as a behavior right no not not lately like yeah yeah very resentful very stuck in my own suffering and suffocating he's the cause of your yeah yeah he's a piece of [ __ ] yeah I'm right okay that's good enough [Laughter] we don't want to go back two weeks after the event he he's just like what is going on with you like what is happening that's the Comm reaction from yeah he's like I don't want to um he's like I don't know what you're doing are you taking some hippie drugs or something and I was like who had a cookie here just should kick in at about 50 15 minutes you're old [ __ ] sorry anyway yeah hippie drugs hippie drugs and they said well actually no um have I didn't want to say anything I wanted to let things kind of unfold and see how things panned out before I said anything I said well I spoke at the last Peter Crone event and he was like what the [ __ ] he's like what do you mean he's like you told these people are and I was like like yeah he's like well and he's just sitting there trying to process and he's like well [ __ ] it who cares I'm just happy with the results yeah and he told me the other day um tell Peter next time you see him that I feel the love from you and I know that you love me so tell him I said Thank you thank you thank you so much and uh I hope that you get to go home and hold his hand again and tell him and that you continue to very beautiful freedom and love and harmony in your house cuz that's not the trajectory that you were on when we met last month one other thing I'd like to say quickly is um the shift has rippled into my kids too uh sure before my son said that he doesn't like to be home because of how much we fight yeah and he's been coming home every day after school and wanting to hang out it's been really nice as soon as I saw you walk in you are a different human being and that's what available folks like not it doesn't have to be through me just through the understanding of that the you that you are for yourself is a lie not bad you don't have to necessarily do anything about it but if it's based in any kind of limitation insecurity scarcity usually some sort of not I'm not something for surveer not safe for many of you not good enough not loved not wanted not going to be okay is a very popular one wherever you can find whatever it is that you're dealing with try and find the underlying not and it's a play on words right it's a kot t in terms of your psyche your Spirit your freedom there's some kind of limitation so when I get to hear these stories and hopefully for you too it's so moving right because what better way to spend my days or to live life than to help people discover freedom to end suffering and until you do that not only for yourself but the people around you you're always going to be in some state of suffering which is why I love to get to do what I get to do you know for me it's sort of it could say that to a certain extent there's a selfish Mission here which is I just want more people who are free to play with I just want more people to be in a state of love