What Triggers You Is a Gift — Peter Crone on Emotional Triggers

the things that trigger you in life are actually they're gifts right they say life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free what is that pointing to where are you in some sort of invisible prison deep in the recesses of what I call your subconscious that is now being triggered because somebody said something or somebody did something so if we have somebody who's willing to play is there something here that someone has recently been triggered by preferably today I'll be uh transparent I did a a hot yoga class in Culver City with my roommate and she likes I like a more Zen work I like to work out hard but she likes a very like hard workout where I'm like I want Zen and hard workout and the whole time I know her very well I've known her for like a decade plus um and the whole time I all I could focus on was I feel like she wasn't getting a good workout the whole time cuz I'm a people pleaser I know all your work I know all the things you're about to say don't get too presumptuous now I might have got some new work since she last I'm ready I'm ready I've listened to a lot of your stuff so I'm ready for a new okay so your your roommate's not working out hard enough no she's working out hard and I'm thinking I brought her to a class cuz I said oh this she's such a good work this instructor is great like you're going to get sweat on I just see her face and I feel like she's not like flinching and not struggling and I'm like not that I want her to struggle I just was kind of I just was like yeah I want to get her ass kicked a little bit and like yeah that was a great workout um but I know your work and it all I kept doing was why am I so bothered by her yeah needing to get that experience that I want her to have instead of I kept trying the whole time just go focus on your workout focus on your workout so so what is the answer to your own question focus on you no well that wasn't the answer to the question though right what was the question why am I so so focused on her so what is the why for you um probably just she's a big energy and I want to make sure she's good cuz then it makes me feel safe ah did you hear that so like I know his stuff I know where that I said I know your work I know where this is going you're like [ __ ] why did I put my hand up yeah so it looks like you want her to get a good workout but the underlying intention is uh for me to feel s it's selfish it's me for me to feel safe so where's the evidence for you that you wouldn't feel safe if she didn't have a good workout um like she's did she's not she didn't get a good workout out of it would be but you said she's got big energy right so I'm starting to put the pieces myself pretty quickly here you're trying to very subtly not so subtly manipulate a situation for your own benefit not that any of you do that especially not with your spouses I'm very familiar with your language I'm like yeah right so just this is such a beautiful example right it's like it's an innocent yoga class but what you really see as a play is he a beautiful person who's willing to contribute to this group and hopefully it'll benefit from this but what she's really up to is she's trying to manipulate her roommate who she really cares about I do I do no I know you do I listen we're all [ __ ] don't worry about it but I don't I say everyone does the same [ __ ] it's just it's it helps if you can see it so you can be honest about it yeah so so let's go back so okay she's got big energy you're giving me enough information that's a bit of a to tell and you don't feel safe so why is it you don't feel safe uh it it's familiar it's from somebody in my past and right but what does she represent that's familiar from your past um just a parent that if I only feel safe to the degree to which that person's happy or not or um getting the results they want cuz their needs are more important that's that's how you saw from my experience yes so that person who was big was a care provider a parent you said okay great and so when when did you first remember experiencing that lack of safety approxim how old pretty little pretty little on probably yeah so they were like loud they threw things right so in the space of noise you feel UNS safe can is everyone tracking here cuz this is everyday example right perfect okay so now you you no surprise to me that you've attracted a roommate who has certain qualities that represent by the way for any of you not sure you are quote unquote attracting the people that are those care providers that you're still reconciling the things you're not okay with so your roommate big energy that tells me a lot represents the same kind of energy of your care provider and so of course you would set it up so that you have that person in a very close close proximity because what are you actually working on just replicating the same environment I grew up in so that you can work on what getting away from it or well that's what you're trying to do one of the ways you're trying to get away from it is go to a hot yoga class and make sure that your roommate gets a serious workout I'm surprised you haven't started drugging her well you were in my head the whole time going it's separate separate like it's just focus on you well the beautiful thing about it and listen you're being such a such a a good sport here the separation is actually you with you MH right it looks like you're trying to separate you from her but actually the real betrayal is to the part of you that feels scared and I want you to consider this is for all of you the first primordial wound as far as I'm concerned as a young kid is that you betray yourself the reason you betray yourself we all do is because we make a contract unspoken that is to the care providers if you keep me safe I will behave in the way that I think you want me to behave the emphasis on I think now do you really get that because that is so pivotal in the start of how you generated your own idea of yourself the good boy the bad boy the good girl the bad girl whatever you thought you had to be in order to make sure that you don't get excommunicated from the family because if that happens based on Primal DNA you get kicked out into the jungle and you don't make it right so here there a beautiful young girl she's scared ex parent makes a lot of noise and from that moment forth she felt that if there's a lot of noise around her she's not safe can you see those two get collapsed did anything ever happen to you that was potentially life-threatening in that situation I mean maybe when I was younger and couldn't digest that it wasn't safe but it probably I mean I would I was probably safe but in that moment I couldn't have digested I'm going to suggest you can get rid of the probably cuz my question is about lifethreatening right cuz there are certain people I mean I've helped people who literally are somebody's coming at them with a knife right like it's a serious situation what I hear is there was just a lot of noise you're a little girl and you're scared so now whenever you quote unquote hear the same a lot of noise or someone seems a little bit overbearing or is powerful or dominant or maybe even a little bit forceful you go straight into that energy mhm yeah it's hard to shake for sure right yeah you start actually to feel scared so now what you can see is the separation is from that part of you that is actually asking for you to create safety for her whether you call it your inner child or the inner dialogue or the conversation but where you're looking and I'll tell a little story which is cute where I heard this a long time ago but it's like a guy's walking down the sidewalk it's late at night it's dark and this woman is on all fours sort of swiping or um not swiping searching what's the word stroking stroking stroking no it's not the right word grazing sweeping is better sweeping we got the right first letter sweeping caressing the sidewalk and he so as he gets closer he's like okay like she's clearly like looking for something it seems said like you did you lose something it looks like you're looking for something she said yeah I I dropped my contact lens he's like okay well I'm happy to help if I can she' be that's great and he said do you remember at least roughly where you kind of had it when maybe you lost it and she's like yes I think cuz it was in my hand as I got out of the car and I think it fell out as I got out of my car he's like awesome that's a good start where's your car she said it's on the other side of the street and he's like okay so then why are you over here looking she said so much easier to see Under the Street Lamp right so so much easier if I can manipulate my roommate so she's [ __ ] exhausted after a hot yoga class so she doesn't have all this boisterous energy so that I can feel safe all the while what are you reinforcing the need to feel safe then I'm already sa well the need to feel safe is the adaptation but what are you actually reinforcing that I'm not safe correct right and what is it like to walk around in a world where you feel you're not safe it's tiring I know this as a truth but it is hard to shake it's very hard to break this it is because it's not something to shake who here and again I know this is a new crowd but I want you to consider this is family right like one of the things I pride myself on is really coming from a place of true unconditional love with no judgment there's no one here as a human being on planet Earth who doesn't have their own Phobos and their own imperfections and their fears so here who here can relate to feeling not safe chances are you know the majority of you women I apologize on behalf of every man that's ever lived because you know it's been centuries worth of abuse right so you have every right to feel not safe so it's a very human and beautiful ex part of the fabric of how we design ourselves right so in trying to get rid of it and even further under the street L trying to manipulate your roommate all you're doing is actually reinforcing that that is your reality so it's scary it's exhausting well are there other other ways that you tend to cope can you see that if you're in the world are not safe other ways that you maneuver around the world different guys you attract jobs you take times a day you leave the house don't leave the house um it's probably just with like certain personalities if it's a big big energy like I will act to Sur like even on the way home like I wanted to go get coconut water at the store but I was like she I don't want to make her I know she has to go back to work so I just want to take her back to work like I and in my head I was like no go get the coconut water like your needs are important this sounds so petty I promise I'm not listen listen you have no idea how powerful what you just said is and I promise you every single person in this space right now has their equivalent story yeah it might not be their roommate it might not be around noise but it's something to do with their husband their wife their kids their mom the dad the brother or sister right yeah you win sometimes and sometimes you don't so it's all well I like to think I most of the times cuz I don't do that but I think you are yeah it's another way that we protect oursel by saying you right because it's a way that you're betraying yourself and you just perfectly demonstrated what I was talking about this betrayal is you're willing to sacrifice yourself in this case something that we could argue is way more important which is self- hydration self-care Wellness for the the pending Doom of somebody getting upset yeah you know I had a friend once who said I'll do everything I can to avoid confrontation I said for that reason you're in a constant state of Confrontation right yeah you get that is that crazy so so listen you're being such a trooper and this is so I'm so grateful because it's through these everyday mundane going to get coconut water going to a yoga class that we start to see what it is like to be human and how we in ways that we're not even aware of live in a world of suffering the space the mind so you're living in a world in the space nothing but pure opportunity and I would assert absolute infinite possibility but the world you're actually living in one of them one of the 10 prisons is I'm not safe and for Justified reasons it's not even you're a bad person but it's hard to kick or you said or it's tough to get rid of so what might be another way to approach it as opposed to trying to get rid of it I just softening to it or just yeah I I guess you you don't have kids right I'm guessing do you have aspirations to be a mom uh I'm in the middle okay yeah I'm in the I don't know if that works but like half a kid or don't like you give it back three days a week you know that works you just have to get married and then divorc no I'm trying not to do that got a lot ahead of you um okay great so let's just say do you have a niece or you have friends who have a little girl maybe somewhere you know or you've seen movies uh with kids you know what kids are I do I am um a kids still I'm 30 so I'm going to guess if you're someone who's sufficiently willing to give up her own need for something like peace uh hydration from coconut water that you're a very caring Sweet Soul so my guess is if you had a friend a dear friend of you and you got to know her daughter who was very sweet and you Babys sat CU you wanted to help out cuz you're a good human and that little girl was scared cuz she heard a noise outside so she felt not safe the emotion being associated with fear or being scared what might be your approach to her if you're taking care of her uh comforting and saying it's okay yeah so you wouldn't NE want to try and get rid of her no what were you trying to do with your yeah it's tough to kick this kid who's scared especially as this my friend's kid that doesn't look good yeah do you see like it all seems so well intended right that we think oh well this hurts and I don't like this feeling so I'm trying to get rid of it and I want you to consider all of you that the actual beauty of stepping into what I call Freedom is that we make space for all of it right right there's you know there's a beautiful actually I think I just took a screenshot today how about that for timing wow golly I'd manifest so beautifully um there's a quote by roomie that actually speaks to this I promise you this was not predetermined or prepared it's called the guest house I literally screenshotted this today this being human is a guest house every morning a new arrival a joy a depression a meanness some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor welcome and entertain them all even if there are a crowd of Sorrows who violently sweep your home empty of its furniture still treat each guest honorably he may be clearing you out for some new Delight the dark thought the shame the malice meet them at the door laughing and invite them in be grateful for whatever comes because each has being sent as a guide from Beyond yep Isn't that cool yeah so what might be a new way that you could relate to your guest house the space that is your mind and you have a current resident who just happens to be there for like 90% of your life apparently yeah who is feeling scared yeah what might be a different approach to that particular story that dialogue that it's not a truth and that I am safe and and then it's about so so let's let's slow down a little bit there's nothing that's not inaccurate but what might be using the example of your babysitting your friend's beautiful cute little daughter who's scared what might be the approach to that part of you that had a care provider who is very loud that made you scared what might now be this new guest that you have that you're aware of in this beautiful guest house called your mind um that it's okay and the guest is just a little girl trying to feel safe and get her needs fulfilled um and yeah it's okay to have the feelings of being scared yeah say that a little louder for everybody it's okay to feel scared we're all scared yeah and and and listen this is so beautiful that you happen to be the one with the mic isn't it does everyone get that Stu does everyone just get what's happening here like she we no one would begrudge her if she was the last one if everyone had to say something and share an intimate sort of vulnerability with that particular way that she relates to life everyone would have some compassion go okay yeah you go last get some confidence but here she is I think it's just so beautiful and I really acknowledge you for the courage because I hope you know that through your example everyone can vicariously see their own version and many of people are going to have the same one you know even at the beginning I said what is the Mind who here just being vulnerable who here when I said who who wants to tell me what the mind is you just felt like you didn't want to put your hand up cuz you're a bit nervous or you're well that's not going to work cuz now you're going to be nervous and not put your hand up no who who can just be honest and say you kind of didn't want to put your hand up cuz you're in a group right I mean it's it's human it's okay you know I can remember the first time I sat well stood in front of a group of I don't know 60 70 baseball players who were commanding over $200 million and I'm a bloke from England who's never played baseball and I'm supposed to be charged with their mental Wellness I'm like what the [ __ ] am I going to tell these guys so you know hello I play cricket very similar throw a ball jolly good shot um yeah so it's okay you know so what happens is if you can make space for that part of you not only do you let go of the exhausting need to try and control your environment your roommate the hydration da da da you go oh hello I'm human and as part of Being Human there is a part of me that's intrinsically natural to the psyche of anyone who's maybe concerned for their survival yeah I always hear you say it's okay that's just the the slogan I've taken it's okay it's totally okay yeah you know it's it's not only okay it's beautiful and I would assert here's the really powerful thing for you to recognize are you in a in an intimate relationship now a romantic relationship no and again this is a bold statement but I would assert she doesn't have space for one you really get what I said yeah because if she can't even communicate with her roommate who first of all is another woman and again she may be boisterous lot of energy women listen really well and generally and naturally compassionate then if she's living in a world where she's not safe and particularly as the archetype who represented the noise and the boisterousness that made her feel scared was the masculine then there's already like some sort of dialogue about her relative to a man particularly if he's a powerful man can you see that and yet She's beautiful kind sweet contributing to this group in a way that she didn't know and you didn't know and there's just an opportunity that's being missed because she's living in this tight space called I'm not safe you know do you see that and I want you to consider in such a beautiful way that you shared with us tonight that your belief that you're not safe and it's beyond a belief it's deeper it's just the you that you are for yourself the way that it informs your thoughts feelings and actions that we've we've heard is suffocating the life you are where are you from I was born in palis veres California great can I take you through a very quick exercise yes great so if I were to cut you open literally am I going to find a physical manufact in label like choice of materials whatever you want wood metal that says on it born in California she's not safe no no I'm not right I find a bunch of DNA and D D D and blood and bones right great so where does the I'm not safe exist then the mind the mind in the mind so if it's in your mind what is its format what is I'm not safe made up of um feelings thoughts they're the byproducts thoughts yeah and what are thoughts if we would be more general what are thoughts um words words yeah so I want you to consider they I'm not safe that actually actually dictates the actions you take and the things that betray the choices and the things that you aspire to actually create in your life is based in words and to get it even more down to the semantics and to the actual structure it's sound yeah you know this is La you're all spiritual right we're vibratory being you want to understand the universe think in terms of frequency energy and vibration Tesla right so get this you live with a person who I'm sure Ador you in her own way and that you adore but you are being constrained by sound mhm yeah you get that like that's Bonkers when I realized the things I was doing and I was doing some pretty stupid [ __ ] you know with all the compassion to my scared little boy my parents die like I was so scared of loss and I was had to be the perfect boyfriend I'm exed all the things right was because of sound I know and it's suffocating the life that is available to you on the other side of that and it's not your fault that's where the compassion comes in so let me ask you another question it's not a manufacturing label so if it's in your mind in the form of sound words is it a truth and you can only answer yes or no and you kind of know this but now I want you to feel it is it an absolute truth that who you are is not safe no it's not is it so now this is all new and if you're playing along and really staying with me what would become available for you if you lived in the world where you're not and listen very carefully it's a double negative you're not not safe I'm not saying you are safe that has all sorts of different connotations yeah but you're definitely not not safe the limitation the world you lived in just crumbled yeah it's opportunity well how would you feel in a world where you can't feel not safe liberated liberated yeah is that better than how you arrive oh yeah amazing who who could follow along with that right and I said if you could leave here with a bit more freedom that's exactly what we just did and she played along and this was quite quick but I want you to really consider that the world you live in is entirely your own it's your own creation it's not a truth you may have evidence for it particularly in this case from your childhood but it's got nothing to do with you being in a car with a friend going to maybe get some coconut water or being in yoga Club yeah and I want you to also consider it would not only liberate but it would give you so much more energy so much more creativity and it would open up the manifestation of things that you couldn't possibly access when you're living in this confined world yeah it's hard to break that to me is pretty cool it's amazing if you're into that for sure thank you so much you're welcome there's a perfect example of how you know as human beings we in ways that we aren't aware of and for which reason we can have so much compassion for oursel we walk around thinking that we're in the world but I want you to consider that you're not in the world you're in your world and it's your world you're up against you know the whole cliche is the only person that's in you know sabotaging your life is yourself you know the the you that you are for yourself is the obstacle to the very things that you want so who here has an obstacle that they want to get Beyond yes yes