Hans Wilhelm frames the purpose of every human relationship around four principles, beginning with the recognition that no relationship outside oneself can supply the love, approval or completeness people often look to relationships to provide.
Transcript
Hi, I am Hans Wilhelm and in this video in the LIFEexplained series I will talk about the four secrets that are the purpose of all relationships. Looking back at my own relationships in the past, I think I would have handled many situations very differently had I known about these 4 secrets: We are told and we believe that relationships are there to make us happy. But happiness does not come from the outside. Nobody can make us happy. Therefore, the most important relationship we will ever have and need is our relationship with Divinity - God - within ourselves. The I AM which is inherent in all of us and that connects us with everything. This is the purpose of all other relationships. If we look for love, approval, appreciation, caring, comfort and happiness from outside sources we are doomed to be disappointed. Our true nature is to love, not to need love. That does not mean we do not appreciate the caring, the love and the gifts others give us. But it is our job to love ourselves, caring, respecting and honoring ourselves and overcoming our selfish and self-centered personas. It is this intimate relationship with - God within - where we find the strength, comfort, security and constant guidance, which is always available to us in the here and now. In the present. So, the first secret is: Our most important relationship is with Divinity and ourselves and all other relationships can assist us in this Home-coming. Now let us look at some of these other relationships: One of the strongest drive that brings people together is sexual attraction. It is one of many tools that our souls use to find each other here on Earth - in the realm of cause and effect. Our relationship is not a coincident. It is a result of causes set long ago. The main purpose why we are together with our partner is for karmic reasons. With great likelihood, we have been together in many life times before in different roles. And during these periods we have created karma. Therefore, the difficulties, challenges and problems that arise in our relationship are often karmic burdens that we now need to clear up and overcome. Blaming each other or fighting with each other only increases this karma. And so does an angry breakup of the partnership because whatever we have not resolved and turned into love is karma that will call us eventually both back into another incarnation. Therefore, the second secret is: Our partnership offers the perfect opportunity to release and overcome our karmic burden with love, understanding and forgiveness. Falling in love means for many that we have found a special partner who fulfills us in areas that we think we are lacking. This can be financial, appearance, power, patience, intellect and many other characteristics or conditions. To complete us we are attracted to these special attributes of the other person. For instance, a man falls in love with the beauty of a woman which will boost his self-esteem. And the woman falls in love with aspects of the man that give her what she feels lacking in her life. Of course, this has nothing to do with LOVE. It is a form of dependency. The personas of each person need or want something from the other. This is not loving, but trading. Such relationships can work well for some time. But eventually there comes a moment when one of the partners cannot or will no longer give what the other wants and became dependent on. That is often the beginning of war because the basis of their relationship was not selfless LOVE but wanting. Their trading has gone sour. A common consequence is that the disappointed partner leaves to look for new partner who is willing continue to fill their lack. Such persona-based relationships serve a very important purpose for us: Their purpose is to become aware and develop the qualities we feel lacking and admire and are attracted to in the other person. When we decide to develop these qualities in us and then bring them into the relationship we can turn our relationship into a true LOVE relationship. For instance, if we wanted and relied in the past on the caring and protection of the other person and we now develop these qualities in us too then we can support our partner if they themselves are in sudden need of such help. Then we are no longer dependent. We are giving without wanting anything in return. We just give. We just care. We just love. So, the third secret is: Whatever we are attracted to in our partner is something that we feel lacking in ourselves. We need to develop this aspect in ourselves and then bring it into the partnership. It is funny that sometimes the very aspect of our partner with which we have initially fallen deeply in love with, we began to dislike or even to hate. For instance, initially we loved how free-spirited and artistic our partner is. But over time we began to see the same behavior as undisciplined, messy and so on and it drove us crazy. What happened here? It is the same as with anything else in our partner that bothers us: Any negative thing, behavior or habit. They are all reflections of our own shortcomings. It is the LAW OF PROJECTION also called THE LAW OF CORRESPONDENCE that says that anything in the world around us that gives us an emotional charge is something that corresponds with something within us. It is the law of self-recognition. I go into this in greater depth in my video on THE LAW OF PROJECTION. So, whatever upsets us, annoys us or begins to drive us crazy in our partner is something in us. Our partner is a loving mirror of what we have not acknowledged and dealt within ourselves. Very often our partner is expressing what we have been repressing for a very long time. Our partners are angels in disguise. They are enlightening us to all those deep secrets we are keeping from ourselves. Therefore, blaming the other and forcing them to change would be wrong and futile. We are the ones who need to change first. Then they may follow our example or they may not. It is their free choice. So, the final secret is: Whatever disturbs and upsets us in our partner are aspects in us that we need to work on and overcome for our own freedom and the growth of the relationship. Of course, we know that any relationship only works if it is based on honesty, openness and readiness to forgive if mistakes have been made. This applies to all our relationships, like with our parents, kids, siblings, co-workers, neighbors and others. Relationships are very precious. They are a way for us to learn to give and to love and to grow spiritually. Only what is extended to others for their happiness or joy is what, in the final analysis, makes us truly happy. It was a pleasure and honor to be with you. Thank you for watching.