Peter Crone: Health, Habits and the Inner Source — Finding Freedom Episode 1

What's it like to live for that little girl in that energy? >> It's heavy. I mean, it was pure fear. >> I'm sorry you went through that. >> I'm tired of this. >> Yeah, it's exhausting. >> All I've learned is coping. I've white knuckled my way to where I am right now. My whole nervous system is just done. >> What you just said there to me is one of the most profoundly articulate ways of describing every human being's journey. >> Hi everyone. I hit rock bottom after rock bottom. And I know it's all related to poor health habits, that I'm not exercising, that I'm not eating right. Knowledge is there. Okay, I don't need to know what to do. But habits are really, really tough for me. It's just so frustrating. I feel like I'm pissing my life away. I want to be example to my son. I've been procrastinating in every area. You know, it's actually quite embarrassing. Yeah, certain things are moving in the right direction, but when it comes to food, I suck at it. Hi, this is Peter Cone and you are listening to another episode of Finding Freedom. In this conversation, I had the pleasure of speaking with an extraordinary woman born in Russia called Nadia who through her vulnerability and courage shared one of what I consider to be the most ubiquitous prisons that we can all relate to as human beings which is the feeling of not being enough. So if you have any sense of inadequacy where you can relate to the sense of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, tall enough, wealthy enough, then I really hope that through the generosity, the narrative of Nadia's own inner dialogue, you can see your own version and the fundamental lie that it is for any human being to think that they are not enough. And hopefully through her and this conversation, you can for yourself discover an immense amount of newfound freedom. So, I did see your little uh video submission which was lovely and to get a sense of what you've been struggling with which seems to be mostly in the arena of health, right? Um for you and weight. So, give me a little bit more of the background of what your story is about that and what your struggles have been with it. >> Yeah. So it's uh weight is kind of a one dimension of it but really like I was thinking about this how to phrase it in a most holistic way is really the feeling of stuck right and um so I've been doing lots of uh soularching throughout the years for different reasons you know I'm quite enlightened human being I would you know describe myself as such but um >> nevertheless uh action is kind of really hard and I'm >> I've been digging a lot into this trying to figure out what could be the underlying cause but um nevertheless I mean the problem is really whether it's health or as a career I'm stuck and just yes I've achieved incremental gains now and then of course right it's nothing is ever you know stagnant completely but I'm frustrated I'm 42 and I don't feel like you know I'm kind of moving from crisis to crisis right so with the health it's like first it was um like fatty liver with some nodes then it >> and you know it brings me Well, first it was really co, right? I was um struggled with this and then I survived. I mean, I got my like uh I got a grip and uh got my act together and did some drastic changes, but it didn't last very long, right? And um and then it was another thing, another Right. I'm 42 and my career is nowhere and my health is could be much better. I know a lot. I mean, I don't need to be told. I mean, I help everyone around me. my husband lost weight. I mean, yeah, >> my my friends are getting in the their super performance kind of things because I know I've tried. I mean, I'm a wealth of information yet. >> Yeah. >> Um yet, you know, I'm kind of reached the point where even a basic self-care is a chore. >> Yeah. >> Okay. you know, and I don't know whether it's a systemic fatigue because I'm I'm I was born in Soviet Russia, you know, and of course it doesn't have to be. I mean I was 9 years old when I collapsed but I mean my parents are you know you know viscerally Soviets >> and it's like that u mentality of have to shoot and this whole scenario thing going on through my head constantly about shoots and I should and I really >> and it's just only if I applied consistent action right over the time I would have been I feel like I would have been much further away and having said all this I sometimes look at my life and thinking it would have been just so great just to wake up and be that person I want to be you know >> without catching up without shoots without has to you know and just >> you know be you know what I mean just living that life of >> of seen person healthy person successful person I mean career-wise right seen person >> yeah so I guess >> that's my introduction No, I love it. And I really, you know, a couple of things that come to mind that I just want to acknowledge you for is one the fact that you're obviously Russian doicile. You've traveled around the world, but yeah, you're so articulate in English, which, you know, is very helpful for me cuz I don't speak a lick of Russian, so it allows this conversation to happen, which speaks volumes about your intelligence. And I can also see what a big heart you have and how much you obviously impact the lives of people around you. So it's really beautiful and I just wanted to point that out. Um because it's uh never lost on me the fact that I attract such wonderful good humans, you know, who even in the face of their own frustrations can still show up for others. And it's a really beautiful quality. So hopefully today I can show up for you and help you bring some relief um to your own existence, your own way of being and uh to your own um humanity. >> So you know I the first things that come to mind I love that you're aware of the distinctions distinctions of shoulds and have to. It's something I speak about in one of the modules in my mastermind to help people create or understand how they create so much of their suffering. So if we start to see the correlation between that choice of languaging if I have to if I should you can see that it creates pressure right that you're putting a lot of expectations on yourself and uh fundamentally it's creating your frustrations uh because you're intelligent you have the wherewithal as you said you know a lot of information about a lot of things especially as it relates to health you're able to impact the lives of others and yet for some reason you're not able to do it for yourself So which makes total sense from my perspective and hopefully I can help you see that. So within that realm of shoulds and have to the oppression that we put on ourselves is ironically the same energy that you call being stuck, right? Because what you're doing is if I were to use my hands and if anyone's listening, you can't see this, but it's like I'm pushing towards the screen, which is that feeling of you're being suppressed by something or someone like if someone was, you know, literally holding you down, three or four people lying on top of you. Um, then there's that feeling of being stuck and held down right? That's obviously a very simple visceral analogy like where there's physical people holding you down. But what you're doing unbeknownst to yourself or at least you're aware of it is, you know, energetically, emotionally holding yourself down. So that is where you're feeling stuck is that you have this implication or this very clear distinction for yourself that where you are is not where you should be or where you want to be. and that you have to do something not to be there. So before I get into how we can undo that, tell me a little bit about your childhood and what that was like growing up in Russia with that kind of, as you said, both culture and probably the mentality of your parents. What was that like for you as a kid? >> Well, uh I mean I've unraveled lots of this or like um but yeah, let me tell you the story. So, so obviously we grew up in a harsh uh climate, right? We just went there and um for the sake of um you know for the sake of parents' job and then I uh started music school from 6 years old. I mean I basically had two schools full-time, right? It was just unbearable load. >> I I mean it was a struggle in a way that I didn't really spend much time building relationship, building my humanity, building my other skills. Yet I was under those this huge humongous pressure of performing in both schools, right? >> Yeah. >> And my parents I mean of course my mom was which is I realize now she was probably has a severe postpartum depression like at the time we didn't have washing machines, dishwashers. I mean my mom was barely she was barely sleeping right. >> Yeah. um you know so she was always agitated and so for me I developed the pattern of perfection right uh to be liked to be accepted you know and not to be yelled at all the time >> and uh it's not the question of of course now forgiving my mom because I have my own child now we live together I completely understand what she went through right so the passion is there right you know >> and um >> you know yet my dad was quite detached um I think like thinking of my dad right now, I think and the way he grew up, he's a typical kind of narcissist, but not in a way, you know, like we look at narcissists that are bad people, right? He was just uh brought up by his um mom's sister whose uh her own children died, right? and she basically cherished him while his own mom kind of rejected him in a way that she started a new family you know and none of his siblings accepted him. So he again he picked that role of being perfect or whatever good, >> you know what I mean? So it's kind of a typical I've heard it's a kind of um perfect narcissist ground. So I never really realized that but again it's kind of that >> um the trauma I guess I've experienced he's a quiet guy, nice guy, assumed the role of the bread winner, etc. Right. Both my parents worked never you know he he just earned more. Um but yeah, there was not much of a connection there if you know what I mean. But so per perfectionism, um lots of hard work and really, you know, I think the whole thing about doing what I love got beaten out of me in a way that offshoots and have to. And if you don't, you know, it's like China. I mean, I don't know how many people know about Russian upbringing. But in China, if you don't do well in school, you're screwed for the rest of your life. It's very similar. You know, you have to have the degree. You have to pursue what's profitable in the future. So, yeah. >> And I was pretty good at school. I mean, I was quiet kid. Um, it's funny actually, you know, very quiet, very diplomatic. But it's you know when I broke out of my parents house right and went to university I just became completely different. So >> I never learned really human skills of building relationships um because I was so busy you know and then my whole my whole life I was really like quite argumentative with other people because people like didn't like perfect girls and uh right girls or whatever you know. >> Yeah. And so it was quite difficult for me to to learn to fit in. >> Yeah. >> You know, >> and so my quiet nature turned into a quite an argument argumentative and fiery and rebellious nature. >> Um you know, and it's only now really towards um like my 40s I kind of started to feel peace. >> Okay. Beautiful. >> Well, I mean that was >> Yeah. >> Yeah. No, that's really helpful. Very well articulated. And I I love the transparency and the honesty about, you know, you becoming quite argumentative and rebellious. You know, it's not always easy to declare that because sometimes that can make us look bad, right? So, thank you for being honest about how, you know, you sort of manifested a different personality when you were in university and beyond. Um, it's big of you to be able to see that. Um, I think if we were to look at one of the terms you just used, and I get the idea of a girl being in two schools, right? both the educational traditional academic school and then the music school and you use the term an unbearable load right which I think speaks volumes about how you've unconsciously created your own ego or your own identity so when you think about that little girl and using that term of the immense amount of pressure that you call the unbearable load what's it like to live uh for that little girl in that energy >> it's heavy it's heavy and it's Um, I mean, you just forget who you are. >> So, now say I because it's not me, right? You're talking to me, but >> Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Okay. You want me to kind of embody that, right? >> Yes. So, you own it, right? So, it's I forget who I am or whatever else is associated with that feeling. >> Yeah. So, um I feel very heavy, very um very trapped, very um nowhere to go. And it's um >> Mhm. >> And it brings me certain recognition because I was good at I I am good at it. >> Yes, for sure. That's the that's the way that you can sustain it. That's the payoff. That's the justification for keeping the suffering and the discontent and Yeah. >> And that's the carrot. Yeah. Exactly. That's the light in the end of the tunnel. But >> yeah, but the experience itself again very heavy. I would say it's pretty sad for that little girl. >> Yeah, I feel like um you know, looking at this now is just Yes, the reward is there, but it's I don't feel like I'm good enough at this. >> Yeah. >> To carry that load. I don't think I have to. >> You don't, but you do. Right. So if we like back back to the words of have to shoulds, right? So her experience is >> perhaps yes she feels um >> insufficiently equipped to do it or inadequate to be able to sustain it and yet as a child you don't have the experience of choice like you just have to do it >> right. >> Yeah. And so I I feel like why should I do this? But I have no way. I have no way out. And and nobody is. Yeah. I I know I'm not good enough for this. Yet I'm carrying that unbearable load on myself to please or to adhere to somebody's expectations. >> Yes. Beautifully put. Um which is very human. And for which reason there's no judgment. we can have all the compassion for that little girl and realize that she was doing what she felt was incumbent upon her because she wants to, like any child, please her parents, be a good girl, get it rig --- ht? So now if you look at the languaging you're using you just said about okay and wait there's more you know with the music you had to go to the best university and then you had to have you know the extra as you said more pressure on yourself which was already there in the background because of the pressure that you felt you had to do both of these schools you had to live up to the standards of your mother's side of the family you had to try and keep up with your brother you know so it's just pressure upon pressure upon pressure combined with expectations and your own languaging of an unbearable load. So if you put all that together and then you really don't have to be a rocket scientist to see that you feel stuck, right? >> Can you see the correlation? Right? Like if somebody, as I said, if you use if you lay on the floor right now and your husband and three of his buddies just for fun, but they all lay on top of you, you know, which is the kind of physical manifestation of pressure. And I I came up to you and I said, "How do you feel?" You'd be like, "I feel pretty stuck right now. Okay, I see what you mean now. Okay, >> you're starting to connect the dots. Yeah. >> Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's um So, do I inschool myself? >> No, no, no, no, no, no, wait, wait. Just sit with what just hit you? What just hit you as you started to see? See, you're telling me a story which is very accurate. You're telling me the facts. You're not embellishing. You're not making stuff up. And the experience of that which is bringing us to present time. and your current experience as a grown woman where you feel stuck. And sometimes that's to do with your health, sometimes it's to do with your weight, sometimes it's to do with your career, but everything that you're telling me is completely correlated to the experience of being stuck. Do you see? >> Yeah. Totally. Totally. >> Which is why you giggled because when you see it, you know, even though it's a blind spot, it's so obvious when you see it. It's like, oh my gosh, my entire life I've been preparing to feel stuck. In fact, until you actually told me that metaphor with my husband and he three of his friends, I couldn't even understand it, you know. So, >> yeah, but that's your experience, right? That's just the physical representation, the sort of analogy of what you are experiencing emotionally and energetically, which then by the way has to manifest physiologically and even in the material world around you, right? In your environment because frequency precedes form is one of my expressions, right? So the energy the vibration that we function from or the world that we live within internally is the precursor to the way we think feel act and consequently the results we get. So because you live inside a world internally that is based in the constraints of feeling stuck because you are in that particular perspective of yourself. The view of the world you have is the precursor to the world that you then experience. Do you see that? >> Yeah. Yeah. super cool kind of when you see it, right? I mean, it doesn't right now, you know, it doesn't help you other than you can see, oh my, you know, you went to study math. Well, we're talking about math and physics here, right? Like, if I use a pen with red ink in it, you know, it's going to write red. I'm not going to get upset. You know, if you live in a world internally, emotionally, energetically where you feel stuck because you're looking through a lens of constraint, then you know, abracadabra, what a shock that you feel stuck as an adult. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Right. So that's the good news is that that the physics of being human works. What we want to do here in this conversation is maybe change the formula you know at the deepest level so that you're not living in a world where you are stuck energetically and then subsequently we can dissolve the world of feeling stuck on the surface. >> Mhm. >> Great. So let's there's a few things that come to mind for me in terms of my you know ability to help people. So for that little girl, the two schools, the unbearable load, the pressure, the perfectionism as a coping strategy, the older brother who's given the accolades, who's very intelligent, we get the whole world of what that girl was look looking uh the lens she was looking through of the immense amount of pressure. Then you've got combined, you know, and contributing to that, adding to that load is the mother's family and this sort of self-righteousness, the derogatory way, the belittling that they have towards you as a little girl, which is an even more unbearable load. So, what would you say if you were to articulate it? What would that girl think about herself if she was to describe herself? And usually it's in the language of, you know, she's not something or, you know, what what comes to mind for you. >> Well, um, several things. It's, uh, not good enough, not smart enough. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Want to better be invisible, not seen to be laughed at or whatever, >> and that kind of stuff. >> Yeah. Absolutely. >> Yeah. >> That's definitely part of it. And then >> it's not all of it, right? Yeah. >> No, no, no, no. But it's a big part. And again, you know, you're familiar with my work and you're part of freedom membership, >> so you know that I talk about these 10 primal prisons and that we all have these as humans, right? So, one of them is for sure, you know, very um active in your defined identity, which is the feeling of being inadequate or not enough, right? You could say not good enough, not smart enough, >> but we could just categorize it in one big just not enough somehow, right? We could fill in all the rest. Tall enough, pretty enough, da da, you know, it's just basically just not enough, right? >> Totally. >> Mhm. >> So, that's one of them. So, what would be the other one? Because there's one that I think is even bigger, um, which I'm excited to help you discover. So, if there's pressure, and I gave you the image that you obviously resonated with of your husband and three friends holding you down, what would that feel like? And really look at it through the eyes of that little girl that she's not what >> like not strong enough or not. >> Yeah, that could be part of it. That's part of it. So that's way that it's ironic that or it's beautiful that you came up with that because that's how you've coped because of the one that I want you to see. You try to become strong enough. >> Yeah. >> To cope, right? Which is why you become incredibly capable. You're articulate. You're speaking in I don't know a second, third, fourth language. You are intelligent. You went to college. You forced your way through. You graduated. You know your your capacity to deal with life is pretty extraordinary. So you have become strong. But trying to become strong is an adaptation to what you felt when you're being held down. In this case, I'm using both the analogy of your husband and friends, but really that little girl was being oppressed, suppressed, and had a pressure on her. So, if someone is being held down, they feel what? They're not >> Yeah. Like um they feel helpless or >> helpless. Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, that's definitely the experience. But you feel helpless because you believe at the deepest level that you're not >> capable. >> Yeah, that's definitely part of it. Really close. You know, you're doing great. You're doing great. >> Now, if I were to ask you, do you think you're capable? I think you would say yes because of what you've accomplished. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Right. But your capacity to both be capable and strong are the antidotes. the way that you survived >> what was at the deepest level which is that you're not >> So again, I'm going to keep I'm going to lead the witness a little bit here. You're held down, meaning you are trapped, which is what your experiences, right? You said you feel stuck. If someone is stuck, I'm going to use this word to help you. If they're incarcerated, they're imprisoned. They're not what? >> Free. >> Bingo. >> Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I'm >> That just gave me chills. Now really think about that Nadia your experience internally. I really want you to presence this. I want you to consider how old are you now? >> It's 42. >> 42. So for probably 37 years, 38 years cuz the first three or four were, you know, we're usually okay. We're pretty free. You've been living in a world and the world is not the planet, but the world is how you view life. You've been living in the world where you are not enough and you are not free. >> I agree. just feel that that both of those would be, you know, a contribution or the precursor to feeling stuck and as though there's something wrong. >> Can you see that? >> Yeah. >> What's it like to have lived for 9 sort of 5% of your life, 38 years, thinking that who you are is not enough and that you're not free? What is that like? >> That's pretty sad. It is, isn't it? >> Because you're not true to yourself. And I realize >> I say I say I because you're talking to me. So saying you're not true to yourself, but it's your life. >> Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. I'm not Yeah, exactly. Sorry. Yeah. I'm not I haven't been true to myself. >> You haven't. >> Yeah. No. >> And you're brilliant. You're smart. You're kind. You're caring. You have studied gosh I don't know how many different things from music to the academics to the great university but you've been living in a prison which you know without melodramatic is like a hell >> and it's hitting you now that that is like you said I'm glad you're only 42 right because you could see how much time you've wasted >> and that's absolutely that's about on the I'm so grateful I have this opportunity with you because that's exactly it I've wasted so much time in this prison of But >> um all I've learned is coping. >> Yes. >> I've white knuckled my way into where I am right now. And I feel like there is no more white knuckling. I think my whole visceral uh my whole nervous system is just done. >> Yeah. what you just shared it's I mean I get you know pins and needles hairs on the back of my neck stand up whenever I know there's some really powerful moment of connection with another human being but what you just said there to me is one of the most profoundly articulate ways of describing what I would assert is every human being's journey which is white knuckling through life >> just to cope >> and so I And what's that? >> I'm tired of this. >> Yeah, it's exhausting. I get it. And this is why I'm so honored, you know, to be able to do what I do and to be here with you as a human being with a with a pulse, with a beating heart, with a caring heart, with a husband, with a child, with the difference that you make in the planet so that I can help you find freedom from this prison. Because then all that can happen is not only do you experience greater joy, a newfound sense of love, possibility, uh but the capacity you have to make a difference and pay this forward with a increased amount of freedom is um yeah the possibilities are endless and that's really beautiful. So, >> just thank you for seeing it and being so um emotionally aware to realize the impact cuz that moment of silence there where I asked you what is it like to live in a world where you know you're not enough and you're not free like it really hit you to the point that you didn't quite know what to say until you saw the cost that it has been to you to live that way right that it's you know your first response was it's just it's sad you know it's heavy it's exhausting um so beautiful And I think there's so many people who right now will be listening to this who can relate to that. So thank you for being, you know, willing to be vulnerable enough to let other people perhaps through you vicariously understand the world they've been living in and now see the opportunity to not do that anymore. >> Yeah. Thank you. >> So are you ready to step out of the hell that you've been living in for 38 years? >> Yes, I really am. I hope you're enjoying this conversation and even moved by it. And perhaps part of you would love to learn more to go deeper and really understand the mechanics of the mind, whether it's to help yourself or others you care about. What would it mean to you to be able to break free from the subconscious limitations that hold you back and help others to do the same? If that's something you'd love to be able to do and to discover with it a new world of freedom and possibility, then I invite you to check out my mastermind with over 30 hours of theory and coaching led by me personally. It's my most powerful and life-changing offering. You can find out more information at peterone.commastermind. Okay, I'm back to the conversation. >> At some point, I just realized that life is about enjoyment. There might not be anything else out there, you know. >> Yeah, absolutely. >> That's Yeah, exactly. >> The good news is, you know, there's two things I want you to understand because you're very smart. And, you know, I often use quotes as you know, and I say being smart doesn't make you any happier. It just makes your reasons why you're not way more convincing, >> right? So, you use your intellect to sustain the prison and maybe make it a little bit more comfortable, but you're still in a prison. >> And so, the first thing I want you to understand as I take you through this process is to realize there's no guilt or shame that you didn't know what you didn't know, right? So, even now I'm obviously leading you to this awareness, this blind spot. >> You don't have to look back after this conversation, go, "Holy [ __ ] I wasted 38, 39 years of my life." No, that's futile because you didn't know what you didn't know. Every human being is doing the best they can within the limits of their own awareness. You're now having the gift of new awareness, right? So there's no guilt for the life you've lived. Rather, there is nothing but inspiration and joy for the life that now is becoming available to you. Does that make sense? >> Yeah. >> Great. So I'm going to take you through very simple exercise. You may have seen me do this with other people. Um first of all, Nadia, tell me where were you born? I know you said, "Well, we'll just leave it at Russia." That's fine. So, okay. So, if I were to cut you open physically, am I going to find an actual materia --- ve extra weight. I don't want to be unhealthy. >> So your wanting before was reactive. It was informed by what you don't want >> which keeps reinforcing the thing you don't want. Do you see that? >> Yes. What I hear, and you can confirm if this is accurate, what I hear now is you suddenly tapped into, wait, there's things I do want, right? Not what I don't want, but rather what I do want. >> It's exactly it's tapping into the energy of >> I guess wish or want, like perspective, I do want to do what's good for me. Like I want to go for a walk. I want to watch a movie. I want to have a laugh. You know what I mean? This is kind of from a place of joy rather than a chore, you know obligation. >> Yes. >> And uming >> because that is driven by the desire to be liked and safe like you said, right? >> Amazing. So again, just to articulate and to expand on it and unpack it, your previous wanting, and this is both for you and people listening, your previous wanting was being informed by what you felt you should do, have to do, or what you didn't want. That is a reactive wanting. There's no freedom in that. Can you see that? That's the world you've been lived in. You're trapped. Like, so if someone is incarcerated, of course they're going to say, "Well, I don't want to be trapped." Like, you started this whole conversation with me saying you feel stuck. So then what is the want? Well, I don't want to be stuck. But you're being informed by what you don't want. Now you can see, holy [ __ ] I am free. So if I'm free, I get to do what I want, which as you said is I'm just going to go for a walk. Well, why are you going to go for a walk? Well, because I want to, not because I feel stuck. Do you see? >> Totally different. >> Yeah. It's a very um it's kind of being true to yourself, right? What is it I really want right now? >> Amazing. Amazing. >> Yeah. >> You already look very different. You know, you already look lighter. You know, your smile is different, your eyes are lighter. Isn't that cool? Okay. So, now the second one, same exercise, and you've already kind of answered the question, but it's worth going through just to help you and others. The other thing that you realize when you feel oppressed and we use the metaphor again or the analogy of your husband and friends lying on you when you're incarcerated. I asked you, "What is that not?" And you said, "Oh, then I'm not free." Right? So when you live inside of the world of you're not free, we completely understand the world of have to and should, right? Because if you're not free, then you have to be doing whatever quotequote your prison guards are telling you, right? This might be your mother's family. It might be the pressure of your family relative to your brother. Do you see that? So there's in the world of you're not free, you have the obligation energy. You see that? >> Yeah, totally. >> Okay, great. So if I cut you open, am I going to find a physical manufacturing label that says Nadia born in Russia, she's not free? >> No, >> not at all. Right. It's preposterous. So again, just to go through the exercise, where does I'm not free live? Where does it exist? Again, it's in my mind, right? >> Yeah, exactly. In your mind. And what is the format? Remember what we said? What is I'm not free made up of? >> Words. Yeah. Words. >> Words. Yeah. That's the container for your soul. So again, I say wardrobe. Words are the wardrobe for our soul. It's just your wardrobe is a straight jacket. >> That's right. That's the wardrobe you've been living in. I'm not enough and I'm not free. That is a straight jacket. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Great. So if it's just words, I'm not free. It's literally just sound. Is it an absolute truth? Yes or no? That nadia is not free. >> No. >> Not at all. Right. >> Mhm. >> And we already know what it's like to live in the world of you're not free. That sucks. That's hell. That's sad. That's separation. That's exhaustion. Your nervous system is shot. You're stuck. >> Okay. So again, double negative. Write down I'm not not free >> in the absence. The absence. It's gone. It's dissolved. If I'm not free, >> who does Nadia get to be? >> Well, so yeah, I'm free, right? >> You're totally free >> to do what? Whatever the I want. >> Do whatever I want. Yeah. Mhm. >> That's a little different than being stuck, isn't it? >> Yeah. >> How cool is that? >> Here's this side. Um, I have a question. Is it okay? >> Of course. There's a lot of questions. This is a new world, so sometimes this can take a minute to sink in, but yeah, go ahead. Obviously, the brain will pull me back into those old places. >> To a certain degree, there's going to be some habits that will Yes. But you can't not see what I've just shown you, right? Like meaning not to interrupt you, but yes, there's habits that can depending on someone's age, you know, you're four plus decades >> on the planet, you got a lot of habits, but you're also very intelligent. >> Intelligence is one of the ways that we can circumn or transcend these constraints much quicker. >> Mhm. But I want you to get to your question. So yes, sometimes the habits of how we've lived our life can especially when we're a little stressed or we're a little tired, they can take over, right? But again, you're you're I just introduced you to a world with which you're not familiar, right? You've got 42 years of living in a prison and I've just open the cage and you're like, "Holy [ __ ] I'm free. I can do whatever I want. It's bliss. It's light. It's relief." But yes, you've got five minutes relative to four decades, right? So, >> yeah. So, so answer your so ask your question. >> And so, one of the ways I've noticed um the brain can work, right? Uh is the fear of the unknown. >> Yes. >> When you turn away from the old self, right, that's what I'm just imagining myself. >> Yes. Yes. Got it. No, this is great. This is really powerful. Carry on. I've been through like uh my whole life through superstition culture, right? >> Yes. >> And it's like when you're super happy, tomorrow something shitty going to happen and your life will be destroyed, right? So now I'm introduced to this and I really want to give myself all to this freedom, right? And I feel like completely changed like my chest is opened up like >> amazing. Yeah. Feel your breathing is different. Yeah. You feel lighter. >> Yeah. Totally. And um so I can see myself honestly tomorrow waking up and just like looking over my shoulder. Oh my gosh, this is so much better. And but what if something just really, you know what I mean? It's like >> like >> Yeah, I get it. It's a really good point. But here's the thing. Have you woken up tomorrow yet? >> No. That's true, >> right? >> Yes. >> Yeah. So this is one of the other slippery parts of the ego is that it tries to figure everything out which you would have done consistently. So that's one of your old habits is from the fear that there's not you know that you're not free and that you're not enough. Your brain has been conditioned to always try and figure out the future for a means of survival. It's the way you protected yourself. >> Right? So you had to try and figure out how to get the guess the best results. force yourself through university. You're always looking ahead. How can I do what I need to do to make sure I don't disappoint my mother's side of the family particularly, but my parents? How can I do what I have to do to make sure that I don't fall too far behind my very intelligent brother? How can I do what I have to do to make sure that I keep up with the Joneses and I look good? Right. All of that creates a brain that is constantly trying to figure out and control the future. >> Absolutely. Yes. >> Yeah. So now, but if you're free and you're not not enough, meaning there's nothing wrong with you, what do you have to figure out? >> Nothing. Yeah, you're right. >> How liberating is that? >> Yeah. And it's really the faith in your ability to tackle the stuff that comes when it comes instead of constantly being trapped in all the scenario calculations in your head. Right. I mean, what you just said there, Nadia, I really, really want you to understand how beautiful and powerful that sentence was. >> I did an interview for the BBC for a potential TV show many years ago, and I had two people who they brought to me to do like a pilot where I was doing very similar work to this. And this boy, you know, not a boy, he was a man, but he was looking through the lens of a little boy who was scared of making a mistake. and he was married, he had a kid, he had a very secure job, but it was a job he didn't like and in fact hated and he wanted to start a business, but he was so scared of starting the business cuz now he had a new baby and all the uh obvious reasons and rationale that we use to keep ourselves in a position that's not healthy, but that we think is going to keep us safe, right? And we got to the point that he was so scared of making mistake or doing something wrong and that was part of his prison. And we were sitting in this beautiful library and I said to him, "Do you see that door? That's the exit to this library that takes us out into the world. When we are done with this interview, we're going to step outside of that door into, in this case, the clubhouse of this beautiful golf club and then we're going to go on with our life." And I said, "Do you know what's on the other side of that door?" And he said, "No." And I said, "Nor do I." I said, "The difference is I'm not worried about it. you are. >> Mhm. >> Now, what you just said is what I shared with him. I said, "The difference is when I walk outside of that door, I trust that I will know how to deal with whatever life brings me. >> That doesn't mean I'll know how to deal with it, but I might know to call someone who does know how to deal with it." Right? Either way, uh to use your language, I'll handle it. >> Yeah. >> And that is the absence of worry. You, my dear, have obviously accumulated an incredible amount of intelligence and experience. You are more than capable of dealing with life. But from the perspective of a little child or a little girl, the worry that you might do something wrong or not be enough is very valid. But it's not appropriate for the grown woman you are today. You see the difference for that little girl being dependent on a family, wanting to fit in, wanting to be loved, wanting to be accepted. Being concerned and preoccupied with a future makes sense. But now you're a grown ass woman who has a husband who's incredibly capable. You've traveled around the world. You're obviously immensely intelligent. You don't have to worry about the future because first of all, you don't even [ __ ] know what's going to happen. None of us do. >> That's true. >> Right. So to come back to how you started this question, the fear of the unknown, I'm going to give you a really powerful distinction. You have never been fearful or scared of the unknown. Why? Cuz how can you be scared of the unknown? What you've been scared of. Isn't that great? >> Yeah. Of the of the bad of the unknown. >> Exactly. Which is what? Your imagination that you're putting into the unknown. >> Totally. totally. >> So all you've been scared of is your own imagination. >> Yeah. >> And your imagination was based in worst case scenario because it had to be because the you that you were for yourself was that you're not enough and that you're not free. So from that perspective, from that particular view, it only makes sense that you would create things to be scared of. >> Yeah. I mean, it's just stupid that I'm not enough. >> Now you're getting it, isn't it? Because yeah, because I've um Yes. Okay. Maybe I've developed all kinds of coping mechanism, but nevertheless, I mean, >> I've done it, right? >> They're pretty [ __ ] epic coping mechanisms. >> Yes, exactly. >> Yeah. >> And that's already not not enough, >> isn't it? I know. It's like you you've done more than enough. You might too much. >> Exactly. But I just tortured myself unnecessarily for no good reason really. Well, the good reason is because this is the journey of being human and that's where the compassion and the forgiveness comes in and where your ability right now to contribute to, you know, hopefully millions of listeners who have their own version of not enoughness. You are a gift for them to see, holy [ __ ] I've done the same thing to myself for 20, 30, 50, 60 years, right? And that's the opportunity that I hope that this podcast of finding freedom is because as you clearly have demonstrated, not only did you realize that you're not not enough, but we certainly found a lot of freedom. >> Yeah. And the fact that even that imperfect journey proves the opposite, >> isn't it? It's Yeah. You start and again that's why my joke earlier. Now you start to realize why adults drink and you know so much and need medication because they're living in their own world of insanity. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's absolutely correct. Yeah. >> Listen, Nadia, you are such a sweetheart. This has been such a joy. I mean, I love I love what I get to do. I love working with beautiful souls. I love to work with people certainly like you who have a high IQ, a high EQ, who with no fault of your own have been living in a prison that you could not possibly have known about. You've had the the experience of it. You had the consequences of it, but now once you see it, it's like, holy [ __ ] Like you've been living in a prison of your own imagination. >> It felt like a prison for sure. It felt like >> that's how we started, right? Your biggest issue was you're stuck. >> Yeah. And now you're breathing, your chest is open. And I want you to understand because you're smart and the things you've dealt with like even there, like you know, rocking your shoulders back and it's like there's an ease about you now. Like even that word bliss that you use is how I see you energetically. So right now you don't even have to worry about your health or your physiology or your weight because when you embody this energy of freedom, of enoughness, of bliss, of joy, your body will find its own balance point. Right. >> Isn't that beautiful? That is vitality. >> And you know what my anchor I found an anchor. >> Yeah. Tell me. >> I have it's probably repetition. But all the things that I was thinking like looking back at my past --- rwise, if you really think about it, you are always where you are. You're literally where you are all the time. >> Yeah. >> It's so obvious. >> But when you're in the head, you can be all over the place. You know, you could go back 20 years ago, 50 years ago, 40 years ago. You could go back to when you were having to do school and music school. you can go back to, you know, or then you can go to the future of what's going to happen if you talk to a parent who might be, you know, disapproving of something you did and you've got anxiety and fear, but you're just sitting in your kitchen and it's very comfortable and you're eating nice food. Do you see? It's like >> Yes. Very true. >> Isn't it nuts? Yeah, >> it is nuts. Yeah. There's a there's a great quote by a a British uh playwright and author called Milton and he says the mind is a place within itself and it can make heaven of hell or hell of heaven. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So you were living in hell. We had a beautiful conversation. I introduced you to heaven >> which is the biggest container. It actually is so big it can contain the experience of hell. There's a good breath. So, your heart rate variability just changed. And now you have occasionally dipped your toe back in hell because that's part of your conditioning. That's okay. That's part of your humanity. So, to give yourself a break, have compassion, go, "Oh, okay. That's part of the process of me reintegrating this new perspective of who you are and what life is, which is total freedom." And occasionally, you're going to go back to an old habit. That's okay. You're human. Yeah. Yeah. >> Right. >> Yeah. I do realize that there is um a lot of reminding needs to happen. But I mean, you know what I mean? It's like you go from A at certain state and then you go to point B like let's say in a year. >> Yeah. >> And you realize you're a completely different person, you know. >> Yeah. Absolutely. But this is instantaneous, right? like when you saw the constraints that I pointed out for you, when you saw the limitations that you'd been living in and you had all the evidence as to why, but then we went through the exercise to investigate their validity to see if they're true and you saw they weren't true. It's like, "Holy [ __ ] no wonder you were experiencing all the things you're experiencing, right, of fatigue and frustration and hopelessness and >> disconnection, all the things that people experience, which eventually manifests as sickness and dysfunction in relationships and, you know, compromising your finances and whatever." And now you're like, "Wait, no, none of that's true. There's nothing not enough about me and I'm not not free." Right? The double negative. When you remove the prison, what you're left with is your inherent nature of freedom. And that's why you were so at peace. >> Yeah. >> There's nothing to fight because the only thing you were ever fighting was your own view of life, your own perspective. >> Mhm. >> That's the mad part. And you know what funny part of it is also came out is that I learning I am learning now instead of just coming from that defense mechanism you know >> um that I've been a hostage of for a while >> you know I started to kind of exercise this pause where I'm thinking what do I need now I mean do I really want to do this even or if somebody jumps at me with some crazy idea that just makes my head spin, you know, I don't just, you know what I mean? Normally, I would just go into this, oh yeah, let's do it, you know, people pleasing mode and then absolutely hating life and then, you know, and attacking maybe that person even in the future, you know, >> for doing all the choice you made. Yeah. >> Yes. >> And now, now I'm learning to like say no, this is not good for me. >> Yeah. and being okay with this, you know, it's kind of it's a new place for me to to do it. I mean, the whole the whole thing needs to be reframed, my habits, the way I express myself to the world, you know. >> Yeah. >> It's um but >> yeah, >> I just love that feeling of peace and you know, and the difference it makes. >> Yeah, it's incredible. And you just yeah the fact that I've never experienced I don't remember ever feeling so relaxed is just pretty pretty sad you know when you think about it because you could look at it you could look at it as sad in terms of yes you know prior to our conversation 100% of your life well let's say 99% of your life you've been living in a state of fight or flight or survival because that is the design of the >> factory settings of the ego. So that is potentially sad. Or you could look at the miracle that it is that for whatever reasons we've connected, we've had a conversation and you've now discovered heaven on earth and bliss on the other side as the constraint. And that might, you know, it might elude you from time to time. It might disappear momentarily if you're in a state of stress or you're tired. >> And then we tend to revert back to our old patterns. But instead now you at least know what freedom is and that it's possible here and now. >> Yes. >> And it's who you are. That's the real Nadia. And then there's a story about Nadia on the top of that that sometimes is based in limitation that will create tension and >> shortness of breath and you know maybe frustrations and but now you're in that gap that you're talking about in terms of listening to somebody. You're creating choice, right? Before it was all reaction. It's like, oh, somebody asked something of you. Well, you have to do it because you don't want to look like you're not enough and you definitely don't feel free. So, you have to. There's this feeling of obligation and pressure. >> And now it's like, yeah, let me sit with that. I'll call you back tomorrow and let you know. Or, you know, it's like you're you're free to discern what does and doesn't work for you. Now, that's an entirely different you and that's an entirely different world to live in. >> It is. And it's becoming it's that's what it means to become an adult, >> you know. >> Yeah. >> When I'm just like I just realized I just was for something whatever 40 years I have just been a child who expected someone else to step in and tell me what to do how to live my life, >> you know, and just do all the choices. And now I have to learn and uh how to be an adult. >> Yeah. But we just but it's a like I said place of freedom and choice and uh making your own decisions but it come it comes with certain things that are unfamiliar to me. I'm like there's a space in me that is just empty and I have no idea. >> Yeah. >> You know >> you know what that's called? That's called pure possibility. >> Yes. >> You know because when we're looking through the eyes of a child which is very accurate in the way you said it. You've been a child, especially as it relates to emotional conditioning and your perspective of yourself. You're being informed by the fears and constraints of a child's mind. Even though you're an adult woman, this is how most people live their lives. So, even in relationships, basically, they're having tantrums with their spouse. You know, it's like two children fighting, right? Like it's no, I'm right. No, you you're right. You're wrong. No, no, no. I'm not going to play with you. You know, it's like that's all that's happening, right? >> Yeah. So for you to really what I call this is a spiritual birth, right? Like this is when you awaken to your true spiritual nature and essence. So you're no longer confined or bamboozled or being misidentified with the human limitation. Yes, we're in human form. And so we honor that. We take care of our body. You get sleep. You eat good food. All the things, but you're not um being collapsed with that limitation. It's just like a vehicle through which you get to interface with life. You get to meet people. You get to have experiences. You have all these beautiful senses. I mean, this piece of equipment is so exquisitely put together. It's incredible that I have this as a user interface for me as a spirit to experience life, interact with other people, have all of these beautiful relationships personally, professionally romantically or whatever. And so, but I'm no longer I mean, obviously I haven't for a while, but you're no longer looking through these limited views of yourself, which then naturally give rise to these survival mechanisms to strategize how you can still survive, right? If you're if you really were not enough, then it makes sense that you'd be a people pleaser, a perfectionist, you'd always do everything for everybody else. But all of those coping strategies dissolve and fall apart when you realize it's just not true that you're not enough. Do you see? It's like pulling the rug from beneath your your whole p personality. >> And that's why it can be for some people a bit disorienting and jarring. It's incredibly liberating, but they're like, "Well, [ __ ] Then who am I?" Like, "I don't even know what to do anymore because all I've done my entire life is just try and survive." >> Yes. Exactly. And you've been led by someone else. And here you are no longer a victim because you're no longer a child, right? It's only as a child you can be a victim >> and you have to take responsibility but then it comes with freedom and choice of uh what is it you want to do you know and how this is going to affect you and others etan I have to learn and I'm grateful for meeting you and opening I'm looking forward to creating what I need to create rather than you know like reacting and unconsciously being led to some direction I have no idea idea where I'm going, you know, just to just to alleviate the pain >> that is, you know what I mean? Avoid the pain and forget about the like happiness whatever you know that I don't want to use that word in a bad meaning you know what I mean but it's just more of a actualization rather than like >> avoiding the pain in every day. >> Yes. And what you just said is so profound to make the distinction between what you were doing, which was reacting. Reacting, doing something you're more than familiar with, versus now creating. So reacting, there's something there against which you're fighting that creates resistance and suffering. When you realize that the lens you've been looking through based in some sort of limitation isn't true, you open up to the entirely different world of pure possibility. And then that's like a blank canvas upon which you get to create. That's an entirely different existence. You don't always know what you want to create, but you do know you can create. Otherwise, the previous form of you, the old world that most people still live in is based entirely upon reactions where most people are trying to avoid something bad happening again because that's what's happened before, right? And then they're in a state of suffering which over time leads into the experience of disease, the absence of ease, which then eventually will cascade into the physiology and the body becomes sick. And that's the world that people live in. But not Nadia. No more. Nadia more. >> Yeah. >> Super cool. And through love and compassion of yourself and patience with your transition, you understand because you've got decades of practice of the old world versus, you know, our one conversation and, you know, a few weeks of looking through new eyes that sometimes you might get caught up in the old machinery, you know, and it's like, oh [ __ ] there I'm doing it again. Especially when we talk to, you know, parents or loved ones or spouses where the conditioning tends to be a little stronger. So that's that's okay, you know, that's where you bring compassion and go, ah, okay, that's just the part of me that still thinks sometimes that I did something wrong or I'm not enough or I'm not free to make my own choices and that's just not true. >> So that's where you that's where you continually check in with yourself like, oh, okay, if you feeling tight, if you're feeling uh tired, depleted, exhausted, then there's some some system still running in the background that is all about survival. Because when you're free, all there is is this sort of bountiful consistent flow of vitality. >> Yes. >> That's that's a very different you. That's a very different life and a very different world. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Just >> Yeah. >> Amazing. >> I just love the fact that you keep coming back to this like like great smile, you know? It's like I don't know if you rewatched your Well, you wouldn't have watched it cuz we have it. It's not out yet. But >> yeah, when you when you when we release it and you watch who you were before, not that you weren't a lovely human being with great intelligence speaking in a completely different language articularly, but you know, you can see the sternness and the seriousness of somebody who's trying to survive. Now I see ironically, yes. Before you were being more childish, right? Because you were being driven by the narratives of a child. Whereas now you're being more childlike, >> which is the expression of your natural joy. >> Yeah, I have to say that lots of people noticed more of a playful nature and I make lots more jokes. I completely agree. I'm very like um serious person >> before. Yeah. And now you're just a clown. And it's getting more I mean I has I have a good sense of humor but it's just I'm more on the serious side you know so I've become more of um >> yeah it's good it's good to be taking yourself less seriously and just um be okay with imperfection being okay with whatever >> happens and I lost a job in between so I haven't collapsed >> yeah there you go great >> yeah yeah I mean it's completely different me yeah >> yeah even in the face of something seemingly not going the way you would want it, right? Like previous version of you might have been upset or scared. >> Oh yeah, I would have been >> gone into tension and worry, you definitely wouldn't have been relaxed in bed with a 3x, you know, heart rate variability score. And now it's like, oh well, that happened, you know, let's let's move on and create something else. >> Yeah. I'm looking forward to a break actually now. >> Yeah. >> Freaking out. >> Amazing. Amazing. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> such a joy to be with you, my dear. >> Thank you so much. I really appreciate your time and everything you're doing for people. >> You're welcome. Thank you.