Peter Crone: The Soul's Timing Around Loss

None of us are going to be free of the experience of loss. But if we can perhaps reframe it in a way that it's inevitable, unavoidable, and an intrinsic part of life, not just as a way of helping us recognize what's really profoundly important to us, but also, I think, on the flip side, to reinforce the the the beauty of being alive, right? The preciousness of life. Because so often we take things for granted. And when you do go through typically later in life hopefully the loss of friends, the loss of parents, the loss of loved ones, it can be a reminder of like, oh, the fragility of being here. And maybe it's an invitation to live a little more fully, love a little deeper, you know, >> yeah, >> produce a little bit more in line with your dreams and your creative powers that perhaps you've been procrastinating on, denying, resisting. So they're the two buckets that I look at is yes, I feel for everybody who goes through it and their their human experience of sadness, grief, and loss is is real. And let's use it as a way to evolve, to mature, to become a little bit perhaps more enlightened in the way that we recognize that, you know, this is all transitory. It's all temporary. And am I going to go, you know, through the motions and sit on my laurels? Am I going to say no to something that my heart is really craving, but I'm just scared? Uh or am I going to, as I like to do, live full out? >> Yeah. And it's what what this all is bringing up for me is sort of this notion of like even resting on the laurels and sitting in your grief because [clears throat] it's been said to me so many times and you hear this often about, you know, grief takes as long as it takes. Mhm. >> And I just I wonder if you prescribe to that exactly or there's or or there's there's more of a nuance of shifting in the way that you work with people to be able to shift that >> grief. You know, like a a therapist once said to me, perhaps we need to live on top of the grief for a little while to figure out the way through. >> Yeah. >> So, thoughts on that? >> Um, definitely nuance. I mean, I tend to get really philosophical as you know. I love that intro. I've never heard what have you said, the philosopher king or the king. [laughter] It's a new moniker. But anyway, so um I can wax lyrical about it, but I also want to be very like pragmatic and and literal, which is time to me is illusory, right? So I think what happens with all emotions is as humans, we tend to adapt it in a way that from childhood usually kids are to be seen and not heard as a general kind of container for what children are to parents, which is often times a pain in the ass, right? So you know what happens is we become conditioned to perhaps not fully express My experience when I work with people is if you're given a safe enough arena to fully express then whatever the emotion is, you know, anger, sadness, grief, frustration, it's instantaneously reconciled. >> Does that make sense? It's almost like what I call emotional indigestion, right, is what most people are experiencing. >> But express it in the outward emotion and whatever that feels like tears or yelling or running through the woods naked or whatever. >> Yeah. Yeah, whatever it is, because typically it's sort of like the mental equivalent of digestion. And you know, our ability to process is where most people struggle because just like with their digestive tract, most people don't process. They don't chew their food properly. So the ingestion process, they don't digest properly in terms of the integrity of their gut. They don't absorb properly. Then at the cellular level, they don't metabolize properly. So there's this cascade where they're not able to actually integrate whatever it is they're consuming. Right? So now if we take the same formula but apply it to our psychology and our emotional state, most people aren't equipped through no fault of their own to truly process whatever is going on. We tend to be reactionary whether that's like anger and frustration as a protective mechanism or that's more feminine as a generalization. Whereas masculine tends to be more withdrawn and shut down, right? Which is still not processing. I can't. It's like one of my expressions you may have heard. I say, "Can I be with this is a question that I will ask whatever this is?" You know, and obviously the question is most appropriate when it's not something you want, right? Can I be with someone's adoring me and giving me compliments and handing me gifts? Sure, I can be with that all day, right? But can I be with someone who's pointing out a shortcoming or how I might have done something that had offended somebody, you know, or that what I didn't want to happen happened, you know, lost money on the stock market, whatever. So for me, that's where the nuance is to what degree are you fully capable of completely expressing yourself. And I'm not saying that's easy. Most humans really struggle in that department. Even in an intimate relationship, they could be married to somebody, but they don't feel safe fully saying what they want to say for fear of the ramifications of being in trouble, exploding, maybe the fear of loss, like, "Oh, well, my last relationship when I spoke up, they left me." you know, rejection