Peter Crone: Three Words That Freed Me From Heartbreak

During the summit, you kind of skipped over your heartbreak. I would love for you to dive deeper because there's many people including myself and I know friends in my personal life who, >> you know, they can be even in a relationship whether it be for 2 years or 10 years >> and they still can't move on. >> Yeah. >> From that relationship. >> Yeah. >> And they feel stuck and they feel like this was the love of my life and it got destroyed and and that's it. I'm stuck. So how in yourself how did you move >> past that heartbreak that you've experienced in your life? >> Yeah, it's definitely a trying time for everybody. But I think for that reason it's also one of the greatest opportunities for growth, awakening, expansion. So at the time I did not know what was about to happen. But I'm super grateful for it in hindsight. It really sort of started the trajectory of my current career. I had met someone. And I was at the time training a couple of Hollywood celebrities traveling the world making them look pretty for their movies. So it was slightly different form of transformation, a little more >> time required for the dense meat suit that we have. I met this beautiful girl when I was in Australia and sort of have one of those quintessential moments across the crowded room, you know, where sort of this twin flame moment, you know, and it's sort of undeniable. I didn't know her from a hole in the ground. All I did know is she had a boyfriend at that time. So that seemed like a pretty significant obstacle. But anyway, life's all fit to sort of get us to have a bit of time together. We chatted and of course being a man of integrity, I didn't cross any lines, but it so happened that a week later, a girlfriend had asked me if I wanted to come and have birthday celebration lunch with her and and this this other girl. So I was like, "Sure." So, we got chatting and this was the first time I had spent any time with her outside of the party where we met, but it was still with this mutual girlfriend of ours. And then about an hour into lunch, she she had a phone call and she took it. And so, she left the table, excused herself. So, this is the first time in my life I've been with this one woman alone. It sounds a little melodramatic, but the first thing that I said to her was, "Was there anything in particular you remembered from the other night?" Because for me there was this quintessential sort of caught each other's eyes across a crowded room and her first response to me was I just wanted you to pick me up and take me away. So it sort of sealed her fate our fate at that moment. So again just out of respect to the fact she was in a relationship. Nothing transpired but we had sort of already established this very strong connection. as life would have it, certain things unfolded and she ended up, it was a few weeks later, but she ended up realizing that relationship didn't serve her very well and perhaps I was a little bit of a catalyst for her to see something new. And so we started a relationship. It was great. And then she traveled the world with me. And so to cut to the end of the, you know, your question and the breakup about a year and a half later, we were then living, I was based in Los Angeles at the time. And one day she came up to me and said, you know, she was she was going to leave. It was it was too much. In fact, her actual words was, you know, the love is suffocating. And at the time, I didn't really see that being a problem. I thought that actually sounds like a good a good situation to have. There's so much love. In hindsight, I really saw that it was uh precisely what she said. It was a little all encompassing. So, I fell apart and was calling all my friends, you know, how do I win her back and all the things and I'd never really had a relationship to that depth of connection. So weeks went by, we were in touch for probably the first two weeks and then I was getting all the counsel from whatever good friends I could and I was sort of, you know, a little down as you expect and there was the loss and the grief and the sadness and and then about 5 weeks went by and I'd had these incessant questions going around that were lit quite literally keeping me up at night where it was, you know, where is she? Will I see her again? Does she have a boyfriend? Will I find love like that again? and these sort of incessant almost, you know, pretty unanswerable questions. One day I was just sitting in this tiny little rent control apartment in Santa Monica and I got the answer to all the questions simultaneously. You know, where is she? Will I see her again? Is she dating someone? And will I find love like that again? And it was these three simple words of I don't know. I don't know where she is. I don't know if she's dating. It was just so categorically clear. And at that moment, it really was a catalyst for me to understand the fabric of the matrix of life and how the brain works, which is I realized that we never know what's going to happen. The nature of life is uncertainty. And yet, by virtue of being humans, because the primordial imperative of every mammal is to survive and to make it, we're always trying to work out what's going to happen because we want to feel safe. For me, it was like this double whammy of realizing the nature of life is, as I said, uncertainty. And by virtue of being human, we're always trying to find certainty. But at that time in my life, I just knew the truth, which is I don't know. And I was in harmony with the fabric of uncertainty. There was no more trying to figure it out. And I felt a freedom that cascaded through my system like I'd never witnessed before. I didn't even know it was possible because I was still within my own survival mechanisms and coping strategies of every human being. then learns the love suffocating comment was really a reflection of the fact that my deep fear of loss cuz like we discussed your dad dies my dad dies my mom dies when I'm seven so both my parents die I'm an only child orphaned and so one of my truly traumatic experience was around the human interpretation of loss right I didn't lose my parents I found out later they died and that's important semantics but I found then somebody who I thought was love at the ripe age of 27 28 I didn't want to lose her so the compensation was be the perfect boyfriend so that's why the actual love albeit I consider myself one of the most loving people it was sort of that undercurrent of fear and concern which then is sufficient to make a otherwise authentic emotion or feeling inauthentic you know because it was sort of manipulative I wasn't manipulative in the relationship but the energy is right cuz it was more like what I really love you but I'm also scared of losing you. So, it was a little too efforting. So, when I saw all of that transpire and unfold like right before my eyes with the I don't know, the relief was like I can still feel it. It was just staggering. And the sort of cherry on the top of this whole experience for me was within 15 minutes of me having the experience, she calls me and I haven't spoken to her now for five or six weeks. There's been no communication whatsoever. And now she's crying saying she misses me so much. and she couldn't have been further. She was at the antipode. She was I was in LA. She was in New Zealand. I have no idea how she got there, but it was staggering and to me really spoke to the power of entanglement because that unbeknownst to me was the first time that I'd actually become available cuz I was too busy like most people with relationships. It's funny. We think we're in a relationship with somebody, but I would assert we're actually in a relationship with our view of somebody. So we're still in a relationship with ourel and so at that moment I had like you know un not consciously but I had sort of relinquished and reconciled my own identity and ego and was completely free which energetically actually made me available. So she wasn't aware of what I was going through but the actual quantum connection allowed her to probably feel drawn to call me because I was no longer trying to hold on to her. That makes sense. Very basic really. >> All right. You know, I think there's so many touch points we we can go on and and the thing that I'm most interested in cuz I that recently >> I'll say happened to me from the other side where >> when >> from either party once we find that love that we haven't experienced before and we're like wow this is incredible. It feels >> uh and it it's really a reflection of the love that we have inside of us >> that the person may be uh sparking. >> Yes. However, we start associating that love being attached to that person. >> Yeah. >> And then uh that attachment that keeps growing and that loss of fear is what actually then drives you towards that loss. >> Yeah. Of course, self-fulfilling prophecy. So I'm curious to your thoughts of how does one >> navigate this idea even if you're lucky enough to to be in a relationship or find love >> that you actually don't scare away with too much of your love and being too excited that >> this is so incredible I love you so much it becomes all consuming and tangled as you said. Yeah. So, how do you control those feelings? Or do you control them or or how does one actually navigate those intense feelings of love? >> It's a great question and I don't think you do until you know what's going on, right? Like I wasn't aware, sufficiently aware at the time that I was doing what I was doing and I was a really nice guy. Like I was an abusive, I was kind, I was generous, I was giving, I was genuinely loving. But it's just that little undercurrent of survival and fear that we all have by virtue of being human. So until you see your own patterns and your own mechanisms and coping strategies, I use the quote, you can't be held accountable for that which you're oblivious to, right? Which just then breeds compassion. Like you know, everyone's doing the best they can within the limits of their own awareness. And so >> for me, I think when you when you start to go down the rabbit hole of what it is, one to be yourself and human, then secondly, to understand the actual qualities and the nature of love. Love itself isn't sticky. It's not it's it doesn't have attachment. Like true love is synonymous with freedom to me. You know when they say you love someone, set them free, right? Like so otherwise it becomes dependency. It becomes codependency. I think it's the greatest inspiration for spiritual awakening is love. I think that's why relationships even in my work even though I'm working with the greatest performers around the world. We're not potentially we're not particularly focused on their craft sometimes of course but usually it's all their relationships family friends lovers children because relationships the actual energy of relativity is how we get to know oursel and so it takes discernment. It takes practice. It usually takes a couple of broken hearts to get to the point of realizing oh the love isn't over there with them. as you said, they could well be the catalyst, the inspiration or the stimulus that awakens the essence of love that I am. And so, one of my more popular clips on my Instagram, he has now 7 plus million views, which is pretty cool. And it obviously speaks to how poignant this conversation is or how sought after this this information is. I was explaining that with this woman I was coaching in a live event, she had collapsed her love equally with an old relationship and she just wanted to have that back. And I said, "But as long as you've personified it, you've put the love over there with him, you're never going to find it versus he was the razetra for you to experience the love that you have to give." And it's really, of course, it's both, but it's understanding that we fall in love almost with the version of us we get to be through and with the other person. So, they are the the stimulus for us to become the best version of ourselves. It's like, you know, with um Jack Jack Nicholson in I forgot as good as it gets, I think that movie, and he says, "You make me want to be a better man." >> You know, such a beautiful line, right? especially for a man I think you know to be so inspired by the feminine to want to step up and I think likewise you know and so it's like in the presence of somebody that we feel so drawn to so connected to we feel so invigorated to access a level of ourselves that perhaps we haven't before and that to me is an expression of love but yes if it gets collapsed the other person then you're sort of setting yourself up for failure because then it's like if they leave it feels like well I lost love you you actually found love through that person and it's still with you and as we discussed at the summit you know hopefully you got something from what I was sharing you know it's a people were blown away by that response they didn't quite under they didn't anticipate that but it's like the love that you have with your partner with Mimi was expanded by virtue of you could let go of the part of you that was attached because that's actually a deeper expression of love is to truly relinquish to truly let go And you're going to go through this again as a father, right? Cuz at some point your daughter is going to get to that point where she's going to go off and she's going to get her heartbroken. She's going to go to college. She's going to, you know, and you're going to have to can constantly revisit this deepening of love and trust to allow her to go and to leave the comfort of your, you know, your wing and your protection and your home. And so likewise in relationships, if you truly truly feel love for somebody, as I've had to educate many of my male friends, then you really want what's best for them. And sometimes that might mean >> a choice that doesn't involve you. And that that's hard. But then you get to deepen your own self love to hold space for yourself too. Beautiful. The reason I started with love, as you said, it's something that a lot of us chase in life. >> Yeah. >> And want to be able to experience and have. And sometimes once we experience, we're like, "Wow, we may never get that feeling again." >> Yeah. So, and at the same time, if we do have the opportunity to be able to experience that love again, what did you then learn in your past relationships that you now carry with you to in order to be able to spark that love within you? However, at the same time, be able to have those deeper conversations about when you see maybe potentially the other person getting those feelings that you have learned from about like that deep attachment and like, well, let's keep this a certain way. So, it's this kind of dynamic. Now, you have had this experience, you're wiser, but maybe the partner that's falling in love with you may have not gone through that experience and then they're jumping in. So, how do you navigate uh these dynamics? Well, as we've ascertained, we both or I lost, you know, lost my dad died, my mom died, and so I was an orphan, only child, and I I wasn't left anything. I wasn't a particularly wealthy family, but my dad had met someone. They didn't get married, but she's considered a common law wife in in the UK. And so, whatever my father had, which was, you know, reasonable, not much, it went to her. And so what comes to mind as you speak is I often jokingly say, you know, even I wasn't left a penny, I'm a trust fund baby. Um because I trust in the universe. What I recognize is that's an even broader form of love, right? So it's not the personified love, the subjective love. It's not the romantic love. It might not be the familial love or the friendship love, but it's a universal love. And so it's a deeper understanding that even in ways that we can't comprehend from the individual perspective that if this relationship has run its course or it's a month, a year a decade or whatever it is and even though it feels like subjectively I don't want this to end which is the suffering and the resistance to life. That's where we you know we create our own sort of the fear that breaks its own heart is the expression I say like the self-fulfilling prophecy. If we become attached to somebody then life will eventually pull them away just so that we can learn to detach. And so for me it really speaks to universal love which is there's a greater intelligence beyond my own comprehension that is allowing me to learn surrender and to recognize that even if I subjectively want this and it doesn't have to be even a romantic relationship. It could be a career. It could be some wealth. It could be health. It could be a home that are seemingly taken away from us. Then the way that I at least interpret that, it is life is asking us to have an even more expanded understanding of trust. That in ways that I don't fully comprehend, life is setting me up for something even greater. And that's not always easy. But so for me in the love domain, that's what I've experienced is I've gone from one relationship to the next. As beautiful as they've been, they have each served the purpose of what was necessary for both of us, regardless of our sort of hierarchy or understanding of love that was appropriate for whatever it is that we needed to learn. Such then we could move on to the next level. Sort of like this emotional video game.