Peter Crone: Working With John on Self-Judgment and Addiction

It's as if I've been wandering [music] through my life with a gray, wet, dirty blanket draped over my life. 2:00 in the morning, just waking up thinking, "What's the [ __ ] [music] point?" Really? >> Yeah. What's it like to live like that? >> Incredibly hard. >> I know it's a lot. Unpacking 60 years in about an hour is not not for the faint of heart. [laughter] I'd be more worried about you if you weren't a bit [ __ ] up. We all are. >> [laughter] >> As I've said to a few people, welcome to the gang that you were never not a part of [laughter] Peter. Thank Thank you, brother. I want to be able to thrive, brother. Not just survive. I'm 60, man. And I don't want to spend another year, another decade just stuck. I want to be able to serve from overflow, not depletion. I want to finally feel safe and confident. And please, man, just help me break through from this lifelong pattern and help me to see what I can't see. Hi, this is Peter Cron and you're listening to another episode of Finding Freedom. In today's episode, I had the absolute pleasure of speaking with John from Sydney Down Under, who at the ripe old age of 60 is full of life, but has been battling these blind spots, these unconscious constraints that have fundamentally led to a life of self-destruction for him through many years of alcoholism. So, I hope you enjoy this episode of Finding Freedom. And for anybody who has ever felt that perhaps you don't belong, that you're not wanted, you're not loved, or that maybe there's just something wrong [music] with you, this is an episode for you to step out of the world of limitation, fear, suffering, and disease and into the world of freedom, love, possibility, and vitality. So, John, good day, mate. Good to see you, mate. [laughter] >> Welcome to uh my little abode of finding freedom. hopefully something we can find for you as we go through the course of this conversation. >> Indeed, I I I Peter, I cannot tell you the the impossible amount of synchronicities that have had to have occurred for you and I to be together right now. It is just absolutely extraordinary and I am so just excited, honored, and just it's beyond my capacity to be able to language how to tell you how I'm feeling right now. [laughter] About 6 months ago, Peter Mandy, my wife, introduced me to you through everything you have on on social media. >> And I so deeply deeply resonate with what it is that you share and and the the the simplicity to which you speak to [clears throat] what could be complex sort of ideas and they've so deeply resonated. They really have. And so I joined your freedom community and found my people. >> Yeah. >> And it has just been just for the last just for the last 3 months, it's been an extraordinary ride. However, Peter, it my whole life, I've always had some level of debt. >> Okay. And that's, [sighs] you know, you you'll undoubtedly help me recognize what it is, the blind spot, if you will. >> Yeah. >> However, I backtrack right to the beginning. I was adopted. >> I was adopted and >> Okay. >> very early on. I spent the first 36 days on my own in an orphanage here in Sydney. >> Okay. >> And until who I call mom and dad came to pick me up. >> Yeah. and a very, you know, average middle class, lucky go happy golucky, lucky go crazy sort of, you know, upbringing here on the northern beaches of Sydney. And >> and but Peter, there were things that happened in there that have clearly affected my my thinking. You know, I used to think that my adoption didn't have very much to do with anything. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> but potentially potentially, you know, maybe I made an idea up in my head that, you know, if my biological mother can give me away, how much can I be worth? >> Yeah. >> No, ideas like that. I was a very sick kid, you know, born with asthma. >> Mhm. >> And the first 10 years of my life, first 120 months, I spent 57 of those in hospital. >> 36 of them in intensive care. I nearly died nine times before I was 10 years old. So you can imagine how it would have been for my for my parents. But then between 14 and 19 years old, I went from, you know, about 5' and 48 kilos to 6' 3 and and 102 kilos. So I more than doubled in weight. >> Yeah. >> So the 19 years old I in the body of a man with the mind of a child. >> Yeah. [laughter] Mhm. M >> I I was I was drinking then, but not not so much for wanting to change the way that I felt about myself, but just the environment. It's the it was when I had my first beers. It was the early 80s with all my friends here. >> Yeah. >> On the beaches. And you know, I take it or leave it and every now and then, you know, turn it on like 18, 19 year olds do. And before I knew it, you know, in the space of maybe 12 months, I was drinking six to seven days a week, >> people were expressing their their concern for me. They really were. They they they were coming to me and say, "John, you know, you're such a nice guy. I love living with you. Great sense of humor. You work hard, but man, when you drink, you're just absolutely mad." >> Mhm. >> I stole a friend of mine's motorcycle and I knew how to ride. But Peter, I'm drunk as a skunk. It's 2:00 in the morning. >> I've stolen a friend of mine's motorcycle and I've ridden from Palm Cove up to Port Douglas along that coast road. That's like a 90minute round trip at 2:00 in the morning in a cyclone. >> Yeah. >> On a stolen bike >> in the mood. [laughter] >> That's impressive, >> Peter. I had a helmet and boots on. >> Yeah. Well, that's at least you covered the essentials, so to [laughter] speak. >> But the, you know, I look back upon it now as a primal scream for attention mixed in with a death wish. >> Yeah. >> And I mean, that one madness story and these things were to transpire and that the girl that I was living with left and understandably for my behavior and the only way I knew how to alleviate the pain of that was to continue to drink. >> Yeah. and drinking and drinking and drinking and [snorts] >> yeah, >> it was horrible. It really was until two well-meaning friends introduced me to a girl that I've actually known since kindergarten and >> we've come together like two little peas in a pod. >> Mhm. How long ago was that? >> 30 years, Peter. >> Okay. >> 30 years. Within 11 days, >> I'd asked her to marry me. something must have been going on because >> she said yes. [laughter] >> And 11 months after that we were married and six months after that our twin boys were born. >> Mhm. >> And prior to us meeting she'd had a trip booked away to go skiing. I knew Peter that I had to do something about my drinking. >> Mhm. >> But my best thinking then was, well, I've got two weeks on my own. I'm going to drink as much as I possibly can >> because potentially I'm not going to be able to do it again. Yeah, >> insanity. Really >> makes perfect sense to the ego. But yeah, >> indeed. Indeed. And I had a big blue sports bag that I keep in the bath where I put all the vodka bottles and beer bottles and on the premise [snorts] on the premise that I would take that bag out before she gets home. I'm picking her up at the airport. >> Yeah. brought her home and she's gone upstairs, Peter, and she's found that bag and she's thrown that bag onto that bench and she's looked me in the eye and she said, "John, is there something you need to tell me?" And for the first time, I admitted before another human being that I had an issue. And she asked me, "Is there something you need to tell me?" And I said, "You know what, Bob? I think I have an issue with my drinking." And she said to me, "You think?" But Peter, I will never ever forget this. When she sat me down, she grabbed my hand. She looked me in the eye and she said, "John, [sighs] there is something far more vast running through you than you can possibly see right now, sweetheart. You're sick. I want you to get better, and I want to stick around to see it happen." >> Mhm. You know, two months ago, we celebrated 30 years together. >> Mhm. >> She stuck around. She stuck around. >> Mhm. >> And it it was the beginning the beginning of the end of my drinking for a while. So, I got to backtrack a little bit and give you some more context too Peter. >> Okay. Well, I'm just in the interest of like both time, you know, the listener's ear and >> getting you to a new place. You're a great storyteller and it's all very moving. But what I'm interested in is helping you understand the significance because whilst I don't in any way want to dismiss any of your history, whenever a human being can articulate their history so well, there's something in it for them, right? There's a payoff that you get with all of this story, right? you get to be at a subtle level um self-righteously justified in why you think you have the problems you have today. Right? The only reason that we as a being >> or more accurately as a human hold on to our history is to justify something about our life today. >> It's just gathering evidence, right? And so whilst I'm happy to listen and you know I've tracked everything you've said and I could probably repeat nearly all of it to me it's really um [clears throat] you know I think with you I can be pretty straight and we can have some fun with this but it's it's all BS >> good >> right >> let me know. >> Yeah. So it's it's something that the ego does at a subtle level to justify some story of woe or victimhood. Right. Gotcha. >> And you're smart enough. You do the coaching. You're obviously familiar with my work and I really appreciate all the kind acknowledgements at the beginning. But I'm also a stand for the fact that you're an extraordinary man. And whilst I totally and use it regularly the analogy of uh you know having the body of a man but the mind of a child I'm much more interested in you stepping into the man of you know the body of a man and the mind of a man or the mind of a sage you know even let's go beyond that. >> And so I think I've garnered enough information and I think you're smart enough that we can kind of cut to the chase as it relates to some of these deeper narratives of the subconscious that define John. Right. You know, you're obviously not naive to the fact that being adopted has on the human level leaves an imprint, right? You talking about worthlessness and it sounds like today you haven't really gotten to the, you know, um, impact of what your life is today or what you're dealing with. I watched your video and I know you talked about finances. You mentioned earlier about you've always been in debt, so that seems to be one of your bigger bugaboos. And it makes sense if you think that being adopted has something to do with your worth. And I'm not denying that it doesn't, but uh it's not what I feel you're up against. So I think just to, you know, bring it to present time, I'd love to hear what is it that if I had a magic wand that you would wish Peter Cone could do for you as it relates to your life today. >> For me to quit all the talk >> and begin the walk. >> Yeah. rather than getting 98% of the way there and then all of a sudden hight tail it back into, you know, what I call comfortable uncomfortability. It it seems that I I've gotten up until, you know, 98% of the way there and this is what I've got and and I know how much I'm worth intellectually. >> Yeah. >> And then I don't do anything with it. >> Yeah. No, I get it. That's okay. It's an invisible barrier that everyone has. So just out of consideration and care cuz I really do care as you know. >> Where are you at with the alcohol? I'm assuming that's all been taken care of. Are you sober? >> Decades. >> Yeah. Great. >> 17 seven nearly 18 years now. >> Okay. Good. So we're good there. >> Yeah. >> So let's just again like with you I feel it's always fun with someone who does the work who you know you coach yourself, you speak, you're articulate, you're smart. So let's look at you know going back to day one. Okay. adopted, left by yourself for whatever it was, 36 days. You talk about the story of for 10 years you were sick in hospital for whatever 57 weeks of that, whatever it was. What is the significance of that story? What does that keep intact for you? >> Good question, Peter. [snorts] You know what? I think it just allows me to tell a story with others of my history. But it's quite clear cuz that it's [clears throat] part of the story that I share in treatment centers offering that hope and inspiration that there's life after rehab. But >> yes, >> but I think it's something that I've just repeated over and over and over and over again. >> Mhm. >> That that Can you ask me the question again please? >> Sure. So what I reflected back to you was the things that you shared. You were adopted. You said to begin with you were even left for 36 days. cuz I think you said before your parents came to get you. >> For the first 10 years you were very sick. I think you said for something like 57 weeks you were in hospital. Some of that was in intensive care. You know, it's all information, right? You're not telling me that when you were seven you went on a bike ride with a friend and you f saw your, you know, your first boob on a girl. You know, it's like >> like but those things happen, right? or you got indigestion and you threw up, you know, on front of, you know, your aunt and it was like there's millions of events that have happened in John's life that you don't tell as a story because they don't carry any significance to sustain the ego's identity. So, what I'm interested in is with self-reflection, I can already feel it, but I'm putting you in the hot seat because that's the nature of my work. So that you become powerful and responsible for what is the value of telling that story to John's identity. There's something you get by recalling the events of your history. What does that mean about you that you're adopted and you're really sick and da da da da da? >> Well, cutting to the chase, it means that I'm a [ __ ] victim, doesn't it? >> Well, that's the overarching theme. Yes, for sure. You know, and again to cut to the chase of today, if if the lens you're looking through is you're a victim, then what you call 98% not, you know, not completing the 100% in terms of your ability to be out there in the world, >> you know, that's sufficient, right? If you're a victim, then how can a victim be powerful in the impact they're having on life? You're at the effect of life. You're not creating life. So that's the first thing for you to notice. So yes, the overarching theme is victimhood, but there's not a person listening right now, as much as it's a blatant and bold statement, that isn't looking through the lens of a victim mindset. That's the 1.0 [clears throat] operating system of the current humanity that doesn't work. Right? That's why I'm here to upgrade what it is to be human, to become, you know, to become from being a victim to a victor, you know, to not being at the effect of life, but to be the creator of life. That's a huge leap for most people. It's much easier to point [clears throat] fingers and blame. So much of your story or bit it's not necessarily pointed at anyone but you know there's a degree of blame right like your mom quote unquote in your words gave you up you know there's your stepdad who quotequote wasn't available you just wanted to be wanted by him your mom and whatever she did you know we haven't really touched on that um whatever her role was so all of these are just points of evidence for John's perspective to be right which is what the ego does because the ego at the end of the day is made up. So it has to have evidence to validate its own existence. >> So with all due respect, it doesn't make you any more special than anyone out there listening right now. But you are nonetheless the conduit hopefully through this conversation for other people to realize they equally don't have to be a victim. And for that reason, they don't have to hold on to any evidence of their history to give, you know, some sort of validity to their feeling of woe. >> Yes. So, I have compassion for you, but I'm going to give you the tough love. You're 60. You've been around the block. You can ride a [ __ ] bike for an hour and a half or 3 hours naked. You know, you can take some tough love from Peter Cone. >> Let's do it. >> So, I come back to the original question. What's the significance of telling me you're adopted and that you were sick for so long? [snorts] What's underneath that? What are you keeping alive by telling that story? I'm not keeping it. You know what? Bug if I know. [snorts] >> Yeah, that's okay. Well, that's at least an honest answer. >> Yes. >> We got to feel into it, right? So, that's fine. So, you at least started to point to it. There's some sense of Okay, if you were adopted, what did you say that meant according to your mom's? >> Yeah. [clears throat] >> Um, sorry, Peter. Can you say that again? >> That's okay. This is fine. You're learning to become present. You've been so used to telling stories. So, you recognize that being adopted in your perspective meant something maybe about your biological mom's relationship to you. >> Yes. Yeah. >> And what is that? Well, you know, I thought that her giving me away meant that I wasn't worth anything. >> Yeah. Okay, great. We can make that correlation, right? We can see that. >> Yeah. >> So, that's where you tied in, as I said earlier, the feeling of worthlessness and how that might be impacting your capacity to earn money or to being in debt. Right. There's We can make that connection. Yes. >> Yes. >> Do you categorically know that your mother giving you up for adoption meant that you were worthless? >> No, I do not, Peter. >> No. No. So, that's John's story about an event, which at the end of the day is all we're fighting. We're not fighting events. The events have since transpired. You know, you're 60. So, this is almost 60 six decades ago. >> But yet, the story still defines you. That's something to do with John's worth right? >> I think it's a little more insidious. I think it's a little bit more impactful, which would then explain the transgressions and your life and being mad and drinking and all of that. So, worthlessness for sure can be the precursor to someone you not not taking care of themselves, which is self- abuse through alcohol or wanting to escape the feeling of being worthless. I think and it ties into that moment when you were sitting on the you know deck and your wife came downstairs having discovered the bag and I'll come to that and why it ties up as a beautiful s full circle >> but what could be another interpretation of a biological mother giving up her son for adoption. What might that also mean about you? Yes, the worthlessness are not denying. But if you give something away, what does that say about who you are relative to that person? >> That they're not worth anything. I mean, >> no, that's still the same thing. It's not worth. If something's not worth and we discard it or we give it away, >> what are we saying? We don't >> If you discard something, you don't what? >> Want it? >> Yes. So what I think is at play at a deeper level for you, my friend, which might be hard to hear, but it's part of the process. >> It's less about your worth and it's more about the fact that you feel you're not wanted. >> [snorts] >> Now, how does that land? If you recognize for six decades you've been living in an invisible blind spot, feeling that who you are is just fundamentally not wanted. I feel sick. >> Okay. Well, then we're in right spot. >> Yeah. >> It's okay. And don't resist. >> Huh? is just it's like [snorts] what the [ __ ] dude. >> Yeah, [cough] [clears throat] it's okay. This has been there for a long time. And I can't imagine all the things you've been through with all the pain and all the self-destruction, all the embarrassment, the girlfriends that have left you, the things that you've lost, all to me sit perfectly on as an extension of someone who feels they're not wanted. You don't belong. >> No. Just sit with that for a minute. Look at your life. You've shared so much of your story already, but there's going to be so many other moments where you just felt totally not wanted, an outcast. What's it like to live like that? [ __ ] hard, Peter. >> It's really hard, isn't it? >> Incredibly [clears throat] hard. >> It's okay, buddy. It's okay. This is long overdue. >> Indeed. [clears throat] [snorts] >> You're doing great. You're in a safe space and you're wanted here. You're helping a lot of people right now because that is a very common lens that people look through and they even have their own parents, but they were dismissed. They weren't loved. They weren't held. I don't think there's anything worse for a human being to feel not wanted and that they are disposable. >> [sighs] [snorts] >> Holy crap. It's okay. [sighs and gasps] I want you just to consider while you feel everything you're feeling. And I know it's decades of suppressed emotions and all of the toxicity that gets wrapped around that in your body. I just want you to consider one of the reasons you tell your stories is because it's a way that you found wanting. >> There we go. >> Do you see? >> Very much so. Very much so. >> Cuz you realize that. Yes. And it's not in any way to dismiss the fact that you help people in these facilities or people who have been struggling with alcoholism. It's beautiful and I acknowledge you for the difference you're making but it's limited >> very much so. >> You may have heard me in my work I say that you know in the old operating system that people are running people can only become the best version of their limited self. >> And that's what you're on the precipice of. >> You've done great. You know I acknowledge you for the trials and tribulations. Sounds like you got an incredible wife who's helped and supported. I'm sure your kids adore you. I'm sure you're very popular. I'm sure you make a big difference. But you are the best version of a dysfunctional limited self. >> And I personally am not going to let you stay there. >> Thank [ __ ] for that, Peter. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Oh Jesus. [snorts] >> I know it's a lot. You didn't see that coming. And I don't like to, you know, hit people with these left hooks of blind spots, but it's necessary for you to, you know, step into this new paradigm. >> Indeed, Peter. Indeed. You know, >> thank you. >> That's okay. >> Yeah. Thank you right now. [laughter] >> [ __ ] you right now. But yeah, [ __ ] you. Thank you. They sound very [laughter] >> [ __ ] you very much. >> Yeah, exactly. >> Jesus. Oh man, I'm shaking here. >> Yeah, it's okay. Nausea, shakes, sweat, all of that. This is all a lot of suppressed emotion. And this is why people get sick. You know, your sickness was manifested in alcoholism. [snorts] >> Indeed. >> It was a way that you escaped the deep, dissatisfying, discomforting feeling of not being wanted. [sighs and gasps] >> And if you really look at it energetically, when we poison ourselves, you are reinforcing the not wanting. Oh goodness me, Peter, you know, in particular the last three or four or five years, you know. >> Yeah. >> I'm a [ __ ] asthmetic that smokes. >> Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's another way that that is an energetic extension of the fact that you, unbeknownst to yourself, say there's no fault now. You get to be powerful and responsible about it. >> But your human behavior has to be an extension of the energetics that you're living within. Right? So if you're living in a world where you're not wanted, then your behaviors have to reflect that. >> Yes. >> Smoking, drinking, you know, being sick, all of that is [clears throat] an extension and commensurate with somebody who is happy to quote unquote not consciously, but to self-destruct. >> You're not wanted, so who gives a [ __ ] anyway? >> Exactly. you know, you know, in particular over the last as I began to step into what it is you have in the freedom community though were those feelings really >> truly 2:00 in the morning, you know, just waking up thinking, "What's the [ __ ] point?" Really? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> What is the point? >> No one cares. >> Very dark, insidious thoughts. >> Yeah. >> I get it. >> Yeah. things things that that I I I wouldn't act upon but but >> but here I am acting upon them. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Yeah. It's the lesser of two evils, right? Like there's not a human being out there who at times doesn't have that same narrative of what's the point? No one cares. Who gives a [ __ ] No one loves me, you know? And that is sort of in the bank of suicidal ideiation narratives, right? It can be >> and that's part of the human journey, right? Because what we're doing is we're basically resuscitating ourselves. We're saving ourselves. We're loving ourselves. We've been reliant on other people doing it for us. You even said you were a mommy's boy, right? You went back home >> and that is the, you know, mind of a boy which is being exposed now. It's totally fine. We have love and compassion. If you live in a world where you're not wanted, then your thoughts, feelings, behaviors have to be commensurate with that. That's not your fault. That's physics right? >> Yes. >> And this is why the work that I do is to expose these subconscious blind spots. So, you know, you may have heard me say, you can't be held accountable for that which you're oblivious to, >> which gives compassion, right? Like somebody like you smoking. How many other people smoke? And yet, what is it, three, four decades we've had warning signs on cigarette packs? It's not like, oh, that's suddenly shocking news that cigarettes bad for you. You know, people still do it, but they don't know why >> because they're oblivious to these constraints. And so my work and what I'm committed to bringing to >> you know really I say I want to help a billion people to find freedom is to reveal these blind spots with compassion with as much you know gentle sensitive conversation as we can. Obviously it hit you hard. You felt nauseous. You know you're shaking. This is the physiological ramifications of living inside of a prison that you've been oblivious to. >> And that's okay. >> Yeah. But the beautiful thing, John, is that when you witness and realize your own constraints, you don't need another 60 years to break out, it can happen in this conversation. And that's what I'm totally committed to with you. And I know that's why you were so excited to have this conversation. [snorts] >> So just because we're in this arena, as you look at that, okay, yes, you're adopted. Fact, that's fine. story around it is what's crippled you for decades. >> So just because you're adopted, does that mean yes or no that you're not wanted? >> No. >> Not at all. >> Not at all. >> And I really because I think I can appeal to you at a deeper level and this is a much more advanced conversation, but all that happened on the human level was that one woman gave birth to you and then gave you to a different couple. >> Right? Even the term adopted to me is redundant because if you look at it from the spiritual level, nothing happened. It's like if I was standing in the Caribbean, you know, with the water lapping up against my feet as I stand on the beach and the ocean's crying cuz it used to belong to the Atlantic. It's like, what the [ __ ] is your problem? You know, I want to be in the Pacific. It's like, it's all ocean. [laughter] >> [laughter] >> Hello. >> That tickled you. Yeah. So, from the perspective of spirit, there's no separation. >> There's just different forms that we become associated with. And of course, I understand it biologically on the human level. I have compassion. I can get a baby. Energetically, is there going to be an imprint? Because a baby is left by themselves at 36. Is there the abs 36 days? is that the absence of connection with the mother, which we could say is pivotal, all of that is true >> and it's got nothing to do with you being not wanted. [laughter] >> Of course, it doesn't. >> I just wanted to remind you to check out some of my life-changing offerings. for my 3 and 1/2 month deep dive with over 30 hours of theory and live coaching all led directly by me. Please check out my mastermind at peterone.com/mastermind. And to join my freedom membership with over 100 hours of pre-recorded programming covering everything from anxiety to relationships, health, financial freedom, as well as recordings of all my live events and Q&As's, please visit peterone.com/freedom. And back to the conversation. And although we can see it, it's pretty evident in your face, your energy, and your posturing. What becomes available for John in the absence of that lie, seeing that it's not true, what now becomes available and how you could feel and who you could be. >> It's as if I've been wandering through my life with a gray, wet, dirty blanket draped over my life, and you've just come along and torn it off. >> So, it's bright. It's it's it's it's I've always had big visions, Peter, but they've been a little bit misty. >> Yeah. >> I know what it is that I want to do. I know what I'm capable of. >> Yeah. >> And now the picture has become a little bit clear and it it it's it's rather exhilarating. >> Well, we like exhilarating and I hope it's a lot bit clearer and this is beautiful. Right. So listen, this is why I said at the beginning, albeit I didn't want to cut off your storytelling and it's impactful and it's helpful because it can be relatable for people who are still in what I call this 1.0 mindset. [snorts] >> You know, there's going to be millions of people who hear this who go, "Holy [ __ ] he's telling my story. It might not be all of it, but it's definitely part of it." >> That's great. But I'm also recognizing you're a powerful [ __ ] dude, you know, and you're ready to go, you know, and it's enough with the boring storytelling, right? I'm not saying that you won't anecdotally pull from those things as you help people who are in these facilities. That's fine. But it no longer is the main um you know the main act. It's no longer the lead character. [laughter] >> Right. >> Yeah. Indeed. Indeed. You know what you know usually I'd start my share with is I'm going to tell you my story now. It's going to be now I'm going to tell you a story. >> Yeah. And and I would say I would hazard to guess and it's not a you know leading the witness and telling you how to live your life but that story because we were about 25 minutes in to our conversation together. Your story as a professional being paid or being inspiring for other people I can imagine becomes even more significant for you. So the chances are it's 30 to 45 minutes. I'm not saying that's wrong, but I'm just going to tell you, man, it's boring. >> Yeah. >> It's just it doesn't it doesn't it's just beneath you now. And again, I know this is very harsh because it's straight out of the gates of taking off that filthy gray dark blanket. >> But you stepped into the light, right? Welcome to the 2.0 world that I've created that I'm inviting human beings to be in, which is littered in a world of freedom, love, possibility, abundance, and vitality. So that now becomes an entirely different place to speak from as opposed to being informed by your history using it as evidence in your case subtly. And I'm going to just say this straight so you can hear it as a way to try and find worth as a way to try and find belonging. >> Yes. >> Relatability. But you don't need to because you never didn't [ __ ] belong. [laughter] >> Holy crap, Peter. Yeah [laughter] that's the joke, right? I don't know how many people listening to this were on the human level adopted who have a very similar story. But as it relates to the level of spirit, of being, of consciousness, you're never not a part of that. Who raises you and who [ __ ] gives you food and puts a root, it's really irrelevant other than of course, you know, we hope that it's a kind, loving couple or person or whoever it is. And even if it's not, they're giving you the, you know, whatever it is that you signed up for to be able to reveal the constraints with which you arrive. Again, it's not to in any way dismiss the power of your experience, the ability to re relate to people because of what they've been through, and that is wonderful, but I really want you to recognize that's not the power of the gift that you are. It's not because they can relate to a story of woe. What they're interested in is the world of possibility that you just stepped into. >> Yes. Yes. >> And it's got nothing to do with our history. >> Yes. >> So that's number one. We're not quite done with you. There's still another right hook coming in here. Hopefully won't be as painful. But I also want you to understand the reason that you were sick. What did sickness both mean about you, but also get you? Let's start with what being sick meant about you. [clears throat] >> What being sick meant about me was that there was something up. There was something wrong. That I was somewhat broken. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. There's something wrong with you. And I want to say that that matured as you became older. You use the term that you're mad. Your friends are like, "Dude, you're mad." You know, when you're that you're that you're [ __ ] up. M yeah. Yeah. A [ __ ] up. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And so again, I want you to feel into that in your body. If you're walking around as a man, albeit as you articulated, in the mind of a boy, but who that view of yourself is that you're a [ __ ] you're broken, there's something wrong with you. What is that like to live in that space? >> So extraordinarily tiring. And >> it's as if I'm walking around with with four of my friends that are, you know, they're all taller than me. >> Mhm. >> on my shoulders and it it's just constraining and tight and >> Yeah. >> unable to move forward. >> Now, just correlate that energy of what you described to the physiology of asthma. >> Yes. tight, bound, >> constrained, >> constrained, >> unable to breathe, >> unable to breathe. >> There is no accidents in the way that our physiology will manifest the inner terrain of our own psychology and our emotional energy. >> You don't have asthma. >> No. >> No. You have an old story that is like the weight of the world that has been holding you back for decades under the belief that one, you're not wanted, and two, that you're a [ __ ] Jesus Christ. Try breathing inside of that world. Give it a go. It is tough. Holy crap. >> Yeah. >> Wow, Peter. Wow. [sighs] It's a different world, isn't it? >> Extraordinarily so. >> And here's the ugly part of the sickness that I'm going to give you so that you can understand it and you can make a choice declaration to no longer be defined by it. >> Mhm. >> When a being feels unwanted, they will do whatever they have to do unconsciously to get attention and feel wanted. >> Yes. I want you to consider, not categoric cart blanch fact, but energetically you being sick was your call for attention to try and mitigate feeling not wanted cuz somebody had to show up for you. >> Can you see that? Can you at least connect the dots, >> Peter? Glaringly so. Yes. >> Yeah. >> Yes, I can. And thank you, Mr. Intuitive. >> Yeah. >> But yes, very much. I want you to understand it. So, let's go through these these three right now that I've brought to the surface. One, is it true that you're not wanted? >> No. >> No. It's a croc of [ __ ] >> Absolutely. >> Number two, is it true that you're a [ __ ] >> No. >> Not at all. >> Does it serve you in any way to have sickness? >> Not at [ __ ] all, Peter. I mean, what's the point? It does not serve any purpose whatsoever. >> No, >> that's old story. old, >> totally redundant. And all it did, past tense, was sustain the identity of who you thought you were that you actually weren't. >> Indeed. And this is a death, >> a [ __ ] up, a a not wanted, none of which is true. >> No, >> just a death of death of that part of me that just, you know, did its best under the circumstances. >> Exactly. Which we have compassion. So now I'm going to bring it full circle because I'm a man of How does that feel like even now as you breathe? [sighs] [sighs] I can breathe. >> Yes, you can. There's nothing to survive, mate. There's no you that's not wanted trying to be wanted. There's no you that's [ __ ] up who's either trying to disprove it or go deep into it to show and make yourself right which is the alcoholism. >> Yes. >> Doesn't exist. It was all fictitious >> indeed. Holy crap. So here to bring it full circle and to both acknowledge the beautiful being that you attracted which speaks volumes about the man you are and the spirit that I see here in front of me on the screen which is alive, vital, and well and more than wanted >> and is going to make such an incredible difference moving forward. Your 98% went to 198%. There's nothing about you that is going to be worried about debt. The only debt was to the version of you that you left behind. and thinking you weren't wanted. That's the only debt you had. >> Yes. >> To bring it full circle to Mandy who introduced you to my work, which again I'm grateful. She's obviously an angel in your life. >> To go back to that fated day where you came, she came home from the Rockies, went upstairs and found that blue bag filled with empty vodka and beer bottles and brought it downstairs. She was [snorts] a safe space for you to finally admit that you were struggling. And it wasn't with alcoholism. It was with what you couldn't see. He couldn't see. >> Mhm. [clears throat] >> She Why that meant so much to you? She held your hand. >> Yes. >> And said that she you're sick and she's going to be there to make you be feel better. Is this what you told me? >> Yes. >> Was the glimpse of being wanted that you so desperately craved? >> Yeah. Yeah. Peter, thank thank you, brother. [snorts] >> [sighs] >> I know that's a lot to hear, but I just want to be able to show you that you're surrounded by angels. You were never not wanted. And it's not just to be personified by your wife, although she represented the glimpse of possibility that now you get to own for yourself. All you ever wanted was to be wanted. [laughter] It's okay. This is beautiful. >> [sighs] [snorts] >> It's okay. Just let it all out, brother. It's been there for decades. [sighs and gasps] [snorts] [sighs] [gasps] >> [snorts] >> I know it's a lot. Unpacking 60 years in about an hour is not not for the faint of heart. >> Indeed. Indeed. Holy crap, Peter. But I I I appreciate you recognizing in me that, you know, the the left hook and the right hook. Well, you know, still standing. >> Yeah. Yeah. you you're a tenacious little [ __ ] and you know that's going to serve you well. But now you don't have to fight. You don't have to react. You get to create. You get to live. You get to be vital. You get to be the living embodiment of a human being who's no longer defined by these unconscious constraints that are in the world of limitation fear suffering disease and dysfunction. You leave that world behind. >> Yeah. Yes. Thank you, Peter. So again, the only debt that you really carried was to yourself that you abandoned yourself thinking that your mother abandoned you. And that's normal. That's human. It's okay. >> Yes. >> But you get to want you. >> Yeah. >> Cuz you're pretty [ __ ] awesome. >> Yeah. Thank you, Peter. It's um Holy crap, you know, to be surrounded by these angels always. >> Yeah. >> I've always been wanted. Silly bugger. Silly bugger. >> Not so smart after all. >> First time after all, you dumb. >> Mate, this is why you incarnated. You wanted to come here to experience the severe suffering that's associated with isolation, not belonging, so that you could triumph over it and to step into your true nature, which is love and belonging itself. >> Yes. >> You can't not be wanted. You're here. You belong. You're part of the gang. You never weren't. >> Yes. Yes. >> The suffering and the disease, the disease that we experience that manifested for you in alcoholism. For somebody else, it's food. For somebody else, it's sex. For somebody else, it's medication or street drugs. Whatever it is, >> is the escape, the attempted escape from our own narratives, which is why it's impossible. You can't you can't get away from a lie. >> No. >> You can only see it for what it is. Yes. Yeah. It's extraordinary, [clears throat] Peter. I just one of the most beautiful lines I've ever heard you say and it was to you know somebody you were speaking to. It was you you cannot change your life by pretending you're someone you're not. >> Yeah. And with all due respect, you've done a great job of pretending to be someone as a compensation for who you really were for yourself, even though the really were for yourself was equally was the true lie, right? It's not a belief. People talk about these limiting beliefs. No, >> it's who we are for ourselves at the deepest level until we realize it's just a story. >> Just a story. >> Very limiting one at that. And that's why we live in the world that we live in. >> Indeed. Thank you, Peter. Really? It's just a story. Holy guacamole. Wow. It [clears throat] I mean, it's so blindingly [ __ ] obvious. But what the [ __ ] John? [laughter] >> When you see it. Yeah. >> When I see it, of course. I was only speaking to Mandy at, you know, 15 minutes before we connected. And, you know, I shared it with her. There's just something here that I cannot see. And >> yeah, >> she said, "You'll find it." With a twinkle in her eye. >> Yeah. She knows. She's always has, you know, >> she always wanted you even when you didn't. And that's her gift. >> There she gets to have a new husband who actually loves and accepts himself. And with all due respect, you know, to make it a little bit of humor about it, I'd be more worried about you if you weren't a bit [ __ ] up. We all are. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. Thank goodness. It'd be boring world without, wouldn't it? >> Yeah. You know, just don't use it as evidence as to why you're not wanted or that you're a bad person or that, you know. No, use that as evidence to connect. Use that as evidence to belong is that we're all flawed. We're all imperfect. >> Yes. >> And as I share in my quotes, which you know, I write many of, I say, please never become perfect. You'll have no one to relate to. [laughter] imperfect. >> Embrace a little bit of that madness that you have, but now in a container of love and wanting, of acceptance, >> belongingness. >> Yeah. >> This is it, Peter. That that feeling that I have in in in that is coursing through every cell of my body is belongingness. That I am wanted. That I'm, you know, just another person out of eight billion people on this planet. But I'm but I belong. and that I'm that I am wanted and I'm not not wanted. >> Exactly. Isn't that great? As I've said to a few people, welcome to the gang that you were never not a part of. [laughter] >> Absolutely incredible. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Uh can you say that to me again? >> Welcome to the gang that you were never not a part of. >> [laughter] >> The grand cosmic [ __ ] joke. >> Yeah. And that defines the experience of separation that is the ego and its trials and tribulations to try and get back to unity which it never lost. Only through the illusion of a story of inadequacy, insecurity, or scarcity that we then reinforce, justify, and perpetuate by all of our beliefs and our behaviors. Only until we realize that we're so sick and tired [laughter] that we're like, "Okay, I just got to give it up. [ __ ] this shit." [laughter] >> Yeah. Exactly. >> Holy crap, Peter. >> Welcome to [snorts] freedom, mate. [sighs] Ah, >> feels good, doesn't it? >> It feels extraordinary, Peter. Absolutely extraordinary. And um the best way I can thank you is to continue for me, continue me belonging, to continue me being wanted, and to continue sharing my story. Let me rephrase that. sharing a story about a guy I used to know. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. >> And from that space of belonging and wanted, the greatest gift you can give others who are themselves looking through the lens of separation, the illusion of inadequacies, the not wanteds, the not loves, the not safe. Your real gift is to remind them of that wanting and belonging to. >> Yes. Yes. But not out of a place of how how it used to be, but about >> true belonging. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Standing in the ocean and the ocean not crying about, "Oh, I should be in the Atlantic." >> Yeah, exactly. You're all [ __ ] ocean and then you're in the right place. >> Holy crap, brother. Thank you. >> You're welcome. >> Thank you. Thank you. I much love Mr. C. >> Yeah, >> much love. >> There really is. There's endless love when you're in this space. >> [clears throat]